Dealing With Rejection

Most men are afraid of interacting with women because of the fear of rejection. This fear is real, huge and can be a massive roadblock, probably the biggest roadblock of all for most. And so they freeze up, don’t approach, don’t say anything, and then even when they do, they are playing not to lose instead of playing to win.

Here’s how to fix it.

Let’s say you meet an attractive looking girl and strike up a conversation with her.. and you just get nothing from her. No interest whatsoever. She may smile politely and make conversation but there are no indicators of interest. Eyes wandering. Flatliner.

Should you be bummed out?

Guys who are not very advanced in the game will be down in the dumps. They had some hopes pinned on it. Hopes that they were going to get something from this girl. That her presence in their life might in some way improve their life.

It shouldn’t affect you.

Ask yourself this: Are you already doing everything in your life that you should be doing? Are you already being all that you can be, for you? Do you like yourself? If so, then other people’s opinions of you are invalid. They literally do not matter. If your daily focus is on being the best version of yourself you can possibly be and living the best life you can live – then whether or not some random chick you do not even know approved of you is utterly inconsequential.

If you are thinking that your life is going to change miraculously into paradise because of some girl, you are letting yourself down because YOU should be the one responsible for steering your ship to paradise island. That’s where you are going; girls are welcome to come along for the ride – and they will, if you are on course – but don’t let her steer the ship of your happiness because the moment you do that, she will run it into the rocks and you will be shipwrecked, captain!

Feminine approval should not matter to you in the slightest, because you are already being your most awesome self. And you are doing it for you, not for them, anyway. Some will, some won’t, so what?

Of course that does not mean that you should not make any effort to be attractive. You should make every effort to be attractive. But one girl is just one girl. There are millions. If she is not bright enough to see your awesomeness, then are you sure you really want her anyway? A girl is a girl, which means who the hell knows what she is going to approve of anyway? Her mood is as unfathomable as the ocean – even to her, let alone to you! So enjoy the ride. It is a mistake to put yourself at the mercy of someone else’s whims.

You should be self-evaluating and scoring yourself on how well you are doing in your life. Nobody else’s opinion on that matters unless they are a trusted mentor, who you are actually asking to point out where you can improve. Everyone else can fuck themselves. So long as you are not harming anyone or breaking laws then nobody has the right to tell you how to live your life… and their rejection is irrelevant. You have awesome things to be getting on with anyway, don’t you? If there are no more girls worth approaching in the immediate vicinity, go home and get on with your great life! It really is no loss whatsoever. Another day will come, other girls will come and then when they arrive, you will be even more awesome than you are now.

You should not be trying to get something from her anyway. Thinking only about what you can get from them leads to needy behavior which leads to rejection. You don’t need her and you don’t need her rating! You really don’t.

This does not mean be socially uncalibrated, and just continue with something that the is clearly not into. Don’t do that! This is just about not taking it personally and staying focused.

Rejection only affects you if you take the rejection personally and therefore reject yourself.

By all means use rejection to spot what you might do better, if something becomes obvious. But don’t go into a tailspin of negative self talk. Sometimes the best thing that you can learn is to just move on and not worry about it in the slightest. There are hotter girls, remember. This girl rejected you because she was not awesome enough for you. I have this problem all the time 😉 Seriously though – you are the one who should be doing the rejecting. If she does not approve of you, then that is reason enough for YOU to reject her. That’s the frame! Stop being a pleaser and trying to win her over.

It’s her loss, but her loss is not your problem. Because you should be focused on you. This is what leads to being strong inside and not giving a fuck. That doesn’t mean not giving a fuck about anyone, it just means that you already know in yourself that you are doing just fine, and that their silly opinion is irrelevant. You are giving them an opportunity to interact with you and they are not taking it. So what? Move on.

And you will find that when you reach the point of genuinely not caring whether they approve, the approval rate will go up. This is the beautiful paradox of it all.

Learn to enjoy the interaction anyway, whether or not she approves of you. You can still enjoy the shape of her lips, her perfume, all the things that she is, regardless of what kind of a mood she is in. We call this “breathing in the Shakti”. Enjoy the experience, it will put a sparkle in your eye… and if she inspires you to become more, then use that inspiration to spur your self improvement. And then when it is time to exit, exit with a smile.

Next! Like buses, another one will be along in 5 minutes. 😉

Winning Is Everything

Winning Is Everything

In a man’s world, winning is everything. There. I said it.

Now. Modern culture wants to eradicate this kind of thinking. Competitiveness is now frowned upon and everyone gets a participation trophy.

Do not fall for that toxic ideological insanity.

Let’s break it down.

Women are biologically driven to select biological winners to mate with. This is called hypergamy and it is hard coded – for a good reason. It is basic survival of the fittest. The strongest genetics and health create traits which we instinctively recognize as “attractive”. Poor health looks less attractive. Deformity is perceived as unattractive – for a reason.

Our primal brains instinctively react a certain way to these traits. This is nature’s game, not ours.

For Men too, the drive to find a suitable mate is arguably one of the very strongest drives. To quote the legendary Mystery (Erik von Markovik) “If you do not reproduce, your genes will be unceremoniously snuffed from existence.”

This is reality for men. Getting laid is thus essential to the survival of your lineage. Are you going to let someone else tell you that your genetics being “consigned to the dustbin of history” doesn’t matter?

This is the reason why men are competitive. It’s because women love a winner and their instinct is to choose the best possible mate that will give her offspring the greatest chance of survival.

This is the way we were made.

So now let’s look at what it takes to become a winner……….

You Were Born A Champion

The first piece of good news is that you are already a winner! Yes, of the approx 250 MILLION sperm in one ejaculation, YOU were the champion swimmer that beat all comers (pun intentional) and got into that healthy egg. Imagine that! A swimming race with 250 MILLION contestants. A DEATH RACE, in fact – where there would only be one survivor and all the rest would die.

All of those 250 million were fighting for their existence, swimming for their very life… and you won. YOU beat every single damn one and got the gold medal called Your Life. The chance to LIVE.

That’s incredible, and it’s true. So there you go, one great reason to feel good about yourself. You beat them all, champ! You have every right to walk down the street with your head held high! Every breath you take is one of sweet victory!

Now it’s time to continue that form. Because your career is not over and no champion can rest upon his laurels for too long and still remain champion. You are in another race and this time it is against all the other champion swimmers from all those other swimming races that produced all the other males that are now sniffin’ around that girl you got your eye on.

Is she going to choose you?

Now you understand why you are competitive. That desire should motivate you – but in the right way. You should be driven to be the best that you can be. Healthy, strong, fast, skilled, knowledgeable. Do not let anyone crush your natural drive to excel, to win, to improve.

You can understand now why champion athletes are so desired by women and admired by men. There is a reason for the instinctive enjoyment of sports. You could even go so far as to say that the entire arena of sport is part of nature’s plan to perpetuate the species. If there is no competitiveness, no winners or losers, and “everyone gets one girl each” then natural selection would no longer be taking place. We would effectively be breeding in weakness… at which point nature will find other ways to cull the herd.

Can you see why people still pay to watch men fight, or compete in other contests of physical prowess, skill and mental strength?

You can now see also why the 80-20 rule is in place: 20% of the men are having 80% of the sex.

So you need to be in the top 20%.

Start taking care of yourself physically. Enrol in a good quality physical training program. Just by doing this you will put yourself in the top 50% because as you know, 50% of success is just showing up. You already overtook those who are sitting on the couch doing fuck all except consuming social media and eating chips.

Think seriously about your dreams. You have strengths. Focus on these things and develop them. Become awesome at something. Being good in your chosen field immediately puts you in the top 20% of something. It’s really about making the best of yourself, for you.

Monk Mode

This attitude has acquired a new moniker: Monk Mode. Monk mode, as illustrated in this video, is the temporary disappearance from public view in order to focus like a laser on self improvement. It means deliberate, strong choices to spend your time well and work hard:

Note, I don’t endorse some of the linguistics that he uses but the fundamental premise of this video is solid.

Do not let the limit of your abilities be known. When you display your greatness it should always appear as though you are in fact capable even greater things, causing people to wonder what more might be inside you. Do not let your toil and sweat be seen, but work so damn hard that the things which are unattainable to others seem comfortable to you. Do not appear to be struggling to achieve the heights you have achieved. It is all the more impressive if you are head and shoulders above others, yet still within your own comfort zone, looking as though you are barely breaking stride. You will be the source of awe and inspiration.

Work extraordinarily hard in total privacy and secrecy, so that you can appear effortless in public.

Remember the Count of Monte Cristo – how he “disappeared” entirely from the world – and then when he returned, he was forged anew, strengthened immeasurably by his trials? He was branded falsely as a criminal, imprisoned, forgotten, presumed dead… yet on his return was wealthy beyond compare and able to overpower the enemies who had destroyed him before.

Be you as he. Disappear from the world, and work as though you have a gun to your head, as though are facing the fires of hell and goaded by demons with sharp teeth and red-hot brands. Then return made of pure fire and strength. None need see your tribulations, your weeping as the iron bar overcomes you, as you stagger and fall, and get up again, and again. They shall only see the Man Triumphant.

Alphas, Betas, Sigmas, Kings, Queens, And The Length Of A Man’s Fingers

There is only one type of man who can make a woman give up the bad boys, and be glad she did so. And that is the King archetype. However it is only the highest caliber of woman – the Queen – who can recognize this rare type and is in touch with herself enough to be with him.

It may be all based on finger length…. Science has discovered that the length of a man’s ring and index fingers are intrinsically linked to testosterone levels in the womb and early development. Testosterone levels in early youth determine which personality traits develop in males. There are two basic types that most men fall into:

1) The Alpha Male

The man with the ring finger longer than his index finger had a higher testosterone level as a child. This is your Alpha male. Ever since his early interactions with women as a young man, he was dominant – because the testosterone, and thus the natural dominant instinct, was there. Females instinctively responded strongly and positively to his “leading” behavior, and also instinctively recognize and are attracted to other visible alpha traits such as the strong jawline and upper body musculature, which are also linked to high testosterone. Thus the Alpha male is the guy who won at sports, learned very early on to lead women sexually, lost his virginity young and didn’t really have to make too much of an effort with girls because they make themselves highly available to him and will eagerly fuck him.

As a result, the “most alpha” of these guys grow up, if you can call it that, to become your player bad boys. They don’t have to try harder, so why should they? Immature women continually throw themselves at – and get hurt by – these guys. He is the guy she cries about because he is an asshole to her. And, not knowing any different, she then takes it upon herself to make it her objective to try to win this guy over and make him hers. Which never really happens – primarily because he has options – and there is always another woman who will have sex with him and is willing to give him a free pass on his bad behavior because he excites her.

This guy is generally a good lay because he is dominant, but all the other girls think so too, so she can’t keep him. As soon as a hotter female comes along, off he goes. Yet she would rather share him and compete with other women for him than have a Beta male all to herself. The Alpha may stick around for a while, if a woman is very attractive or otherwise pleasing to him, but as soon as a woman hits a certain age, he is all “enjoy your cats” and he is gone, with an new 18-25 year old chick in his crosshairs.

True “Alpha males” are, interestingly, despite their drive and aggression, very often not life’s high achievers. They quite literally think with their dicks – and would rather be out fucking – because they can – than at their desk building a business empire. They are often deadbeat fathers. A large percentage of men in jail are alphas. They are the tattooed bikers, immature “man children” and the lazy guys who never learned to be high achievers because they didn’t have to be in order to get laid and get by. Women found them irresistible and therefore made it easy for them to get sex whenever they want – and this generally dictates the pattern of their development and path through life.

2) The Beta Male

This man has a longer index finger than ring finger. He had low testosterone growing up. As a result, right from the early school playground establishment of the pecking order, he was not the dominant one. Right from the beginning he was pushed around by males and treated poorly by females, precisely because he did not hold the dominant frame and did not establish that things were going to proceed according to his terms. He became habitually submissive and thus did not learn dominant behavior, thus experiencing continual frustration and difficulty getting laid as a young man. He is the late virgin and attempts to compensate by being a nice guy. This is the guy who bores a woman in bed (if he even gets that far), but will take her shoe shopping AND carry the bags. He likes all her photos on Instagram and hopes (in vain) that she will give him attention in return. He will do anything she asks, in fact, because he hopes that by doing so, it will gain him access to the pussy. It won’t. She will call him for a ride home when the Alpha stood her up, he will race to her side, she will cry and tell him her problems, she will feel safe with him because he is non-threatening and validating; then she will give him a peck on the cheek and say thank you darling, and then go to bed by herself and rub one out – thinking about the Alpha who ditched her.

Beta males also in their careers are not typically high achievers. They may reach management positions and get good salaries on account of being steadfast, submissive and reliable – but they are generally always someone’s bitch. This also becomes self-fulfilling in their personal relationships; they are working too hard to please others to work on pleasing themselves, and so they tend to dress less stylishly than their alpha counterparts, seeking to play it safe and blend in rather than stand out, which further reinforces their Beta status in the sexual marketplace.

Beta males however make reliable parents. They are generally more caring, devoted and eager to please others around them, often going to great lengths to provide for their families. They are generally functional in all areas of their life except their sex life, which is continually frustrating both for them and, secretly, for their wives and girlfriends – who are either banging an Alpha on the side or wishing they were.

3) The Sigma Male

There is however a third archetype – the rarest of the three – the Sigma archetype. These men have index and ring fingers of identical length [note , I do not know if this is scientifically established, this is my untested theory but it seems to follow]. They express some dominant characteristics but are not the ones to start fights. They may however be the one to finish them, in unexpected and devastating fashion. Alphas often sense instinctively that the Sigma might be dangerous, and tend to pick softer targets to push around, leaving the Sigma alone.

The Sigma archetype makes up the mavericks, the startup business owners, edgy outsiders, high achievers, aloof Kings and lone wolves of the world.

This type is often not successful with the majority of women, but may form very strong and intimate connections with his rare counterparts in the female world… if he can but find them.

He intimidates and confuses most women, and the vast majority cannot figure out whether they want him or not, though introspective / alternative types may find him intriguing and mysterious. He is nothing like either the Alpha or the Beta, who by comparison are somewhat ‘basic’. He does not grab the girls by the hair and drag them off to his cave, but he will not be their bitch either. Most women are utterly puzzled by this ‘outsider’ guy and don’t know how to deal with him, so they push him away. As they have predominantly only experienced either Alpha or Beta men, who are easy to categorize and who fit into the patterns of game she has learned, the Sigma remains unfathomable to them and might as well be talking Martian. This infuriates him because he knows inside that he has many superior traits to either of the other types. Can nobody see it?

How he handles his loneliness and frustration is important, because it will dictate the kind of man he becomes.

The Sigma had the drive and enough testosterone not to be dominated, but was also not an early leader or sports captain and did not score easy, abundant wins with women in his early youth. People don’t readily understand him, and so he tends to withdraw, becoming an outsider or loner – reading books, becoming knowledgeable, creative, imaginative and skilled, thinking his own thoughts and learning to win in life through strategy rather than outright dominance. It is as though being neither driven mercilessly by testosterone nor being the submissive victim of the high testosterone of others, enables him to develop higher faculties and thus become something completely different to either of the other two main male archetypes. He may appear slightly androgynous, expressing both masculine and feminine characteristics in his demeanor and dress, and may appear to be balanced between logical and intuitive in his pursuits.

Fast forward to adulthood. The Sigma archetype, through his introverted pursuits and studies, has become a winning strategist in life, perhaps a sole proprietor of a business or an entrepreneur. He may become highly skilled and even ultra competent. But even if he achieves outward success, women still find him intimidating and confusing. He is used to living in his own world, which further develops his uniqueness and pushes him further out of touch with the majority. Most women have no deep experience of him or his world, they don’t know how to categorize him, certainly cannot manipulate him, and most of them are simply not on his level. So he gets rejected / blown out frequently.

This is tragic because this man would actually in many cases be the best choice of all for a woman – if she is not already irreparably damaged from Alpha abuse in her earlier years, and if she can put aside her childish acquisitiveness and roll on his level. The Sigma is more likely to be loyal – and not interested in one night stands; although he may have more than one woman in his life because the bonds he forms tend to be intense and long lasting. He is the guy who knows how to give her multiple orgasms, but will also make her breakfast. And it will be rosemary scrambled egg with French toast, served with a champagne mimosa and silver cutlery. He’s a high achiever after all…

The Sigma will take her shoe shopping too; however he will not carry her bags and will not follow her around like a puppy. He will drop her off at the mall and arrange to meet her in 45 mins, and he will be on time too, and he will expect her to do the same. Because Punctuality is the Politeness of Kings.

But most women are still foolishly chasing the Bad Boy Alpha and will not give the ultra-competent Sigma the time of day.

Thus the Sigma generally “unplugs” from the social and sexual marketplace – and in the modern post-feminist world, many Sigma males find themselves alone. They have become the lone wolf archetype, lonely Kings in their castle with everything except a Queen. This is because the Queen archetype, his natural consort, is also extremely rare. This is the woman who has it together on all levels and is not intimidated by the Sigma’s high intelligence and Mastery of his immediate environment. Rather, she delights in his heady world, finding him fascinating and enjoying his unusual traits. But the King also will not tolerate any Princess behavior or immaturity – and this vastly diminishes the number of options available to him… because most women in the modern world have been already damaged by The Deadly Isms and by the Alpha / beta dichotomy that has come to prevalence post-feminism, and which leaves them bitter, confused and possibly even broken by the age of 25-30.

This requires explanation. Most women are unhappy in the modern post-feminist world because their liberation, rather than giving them the life of their dreams, now has them caught between a rock and a hard place, forced to “choose” between Alphas and Betas. The Alpha will fuck her well but will break her heart, because he doesn’t give a shit, and post feminism / social media has given him even more options for conquest than ever before. The always-available Beta will provide for her at the drop of a hat, but will not make her insides tingle. So she remains unfulfilled on a deep level – and when women hit around 30-35, all of a sudden…. the Alphas start to go for younger women. She either locks down a provider Beta and grudgingly has sex with him, without much spark, or she ends up alone with her cats, wishing her bad boy would come back but also knowing he is bad news.

The immature woman is fixated on trying to capture an Alpha and turn him into the kind of man she wants him to be. This objectifying behavior is not healthy and sets up a dysfunctional pattern that is in many cases never resolved – because the Alpha will not change in any meaningful way except superficially (read: he learns to say the right words if it will get him more pussy, but otherwise continues not to give a shit). And all the while she chases this man she is off her center, and does not develop the meaningful skills and attributes that will turn her into a high achiever in her own right. She remains as a Princess and does not become a Queen.

Modern women, liberated by feminism but not necessarily wise in the ways of men, thus often resort to attempting the ‘best of both worlds’; juggling Alpha-on-the-side with a Beta husband – but this requires infidelity and a double life. Dishonesty is dysfunctional, feels rotten inside and it all usually ends badly with broken marriages, bitterness, confusion and blame, despite the fact that it seemed like a good idea at the time.

If a woman finds a Sigma, the best thing she could do is devote herself to him. If she would but have the courage to kneel at his feet and say “I’m yours, make me into what you want me to be” – the true King will not abuse her, but he will raise her up, putting her on her throne, taking extraordinary care of her and initiating her in the royal arts and the higher life that his many years of strategy and learning have prepared him for so well; as she too initiates him into her royal arts of love and life.

That’s the fairytale. However, sadly in most cases, the Alphas get to the women first; especially the hot / highly sexual ones, and this often ruins them. The technical term for such women is “Alpha widows”. Often these women did not have strong fathers threatening to kick the shit out of the bad boy if he tried to fuck his daughter. This may be more than a coincidence but that is a topic for another essay. Anyway the Alpha Widows may end up young mothers and / or damaged; either with PTSD from abuse, or with dark cravings which push them toward further abusers or even toward destructive practices such as prostitution, drug abuse and/or “dark BDSM” which is really a term for sexual abuse addiction.

Going down this path may leave her, finally, as “damaged goods”. The King archetype does not want damaged goods, does not wish to be Daddy to someone else’s children, and is not going to let his woman cheat on him either. He is smart enough to catch her in the act (another reason why he is intimidating to some women), and he will be furious too because she has dared to shatter his idealism. And he is certainly not fun when he is furious. The King will not put up with any crap. He won’t take it lying down and he has very high standards, higher than most people are used to being around.

There is a further aspect to this, which is that the Sigma archetype is the most likely to become, in the end, a highly skilled lover, owing not to innate assertiveness but to his “hacker” nature, his attentiveness to nuance and his desire to understand and master the inner workings of things. If he can achieve this, he stands a chance to take his woman far higher than any bad boy ever did, and he has the potential to provide a passionate yet nurturing love which can cure her, permanently, of her immature addiction to the bad boy, and fill her eyes with sparkle. He is also far more likely to be loyal and honest to those around him, but may be demanding as he expects people to meet him on his level. And there is, sadly, an awful lot of damaged goods out there now.

Watch out for the Sigma type. If positively aspected / enlightened, they may turn out as “Kings” – leaders of business, rock stars, high achievers and so on.

However if these men become troubled, brooding, psychologically damaged and “endarkened”, they may develop “dark triad” characteristics – Machiavellianism, narcissism and psychopathy – becoming criminal masterminds, hackers, edgy lone wolf types, deviant and dangerous in their ambitions, while becoming expert manipulators and grand deceivers in relationships.

Wrap Up: Overcoming Your Traits

One might think as a result of this that our lives are predetermined. However, very much of dominant / submissive behavior is acquired early on and deeply ingrained, but not permanently so. Like many other deeply learned behaviors and responses, it can be changed. Hence we have game – which at its best is a deep dive into the psyche and the transformation of negative learned behaviors. Note also that these are archetypes and people may carry more than one aspect. There are many shades of grey.

A Beta can learn to be assertive through self-esteem training and to raise their testosterone levels through diet, exercise and other pursuits.

Similarly an Alpha can learn to shut the fuck up and actually listen for once and make an effort to please others rather than just himself, balancing things out.

As for the Sigma archetype – he should strive not to permit his loneliness to cause him to fall into troubled, brooding darkness; learning instead that most strategic of traits: Patience. He should have faith that if he stays the course, his Queen will come to him at last. He should make an effort not to become too abstracted into his thoughts, and remain relatable. He should also take care of himself physically and avoid self-destructive pursuits.

For women – seek not to acquire men as objects in the same way that you acquire other things that have value to you. A partner is not a thing to be acquired in the way that you acquire an item you want at the mall; rather, a harmonious relationship with others and the formation of healthy bonds will arise from having a healthy relationship first of all with yourself, and from learning that you only get out of relationships what you put in. The Princess expects someone else to make her problems go away, whereas the Queen is able to be the agent of change. She also makes an adroit choice of partner; avoiding immature, abusive and weak men as she understands them to be a waste of time. Nurture yourself and put in your inner work, becoming the best version of yourself that you can be.

All of us are to some extent broken, as the saying goes – but we can all heal, and as Hemingway said, being broken is how the light gets in.

To find your Queen, you must first become a King – and to find your King, you must first become a Queen.

Some Will. Some Won’t. So What? Stop Chasing. Self Improve.

The Thirst is real fellas, and it is strong.

One only needs to take a quick look at social media and the thirsty fools in their hundreds, desperate to get the attention of some 18-25yo female:

the thirst
– Every single cute girl’s photo comments feed, ever. She does not respond to ANY of these men’s comments or PM’s, ever. (photos and user names redacted)

What did she do to get this attention, apart from being born reasonably good looking and sit there in her underwear?

NOTHING.

Seriously, it’s pathetic. Hundreds or even THOUSANDS of drooling men competing for her attention. One of them probably even bought her the skimpy clothes she was wearing, not as a reward for something she did but as a desperate attempt to be liked!

This is called SIMPING. You will not get her attention that way. Full stop. End of story. In fact, it is completely counterproductive. Let me explain.

She does not give a DAMN if you are interested in her because your interest in her is not what drives her interest in you! Your QUALITY is what drives her interest in you. If you have QUALITY, she will have already noticed you, believe me. And if you have quality, she will be expecting to have to WIN YOU OVER. So if you act as though you are already won over before she has even opened her mouth, you are DONE.

First of all, she has OPTIONS.

And what does that mean? Two things.

1) If you are acting as though she is your best option… it’s over. Because the kind of man she is looking for is the kind of man who also has OPTIONS. The kind of man she is fantasizing about is the kind of man for whom girls of her calibre are two-a-penny. He is the kind of man that women like her are CHASING, not the kind of man that is chasing women like her!!! Do you see the psychology? If you are chasing her, it signals subconsciously that you do not have abundance of females in your life. Otherwise you would be the one BEING CHASED.

2) The kind of man she wants does not have TIME to waste on social media writing pathetic love letters to girls… because he is too busy being awesome!!! He has a PLAN for his life and he is too busy making it happen to be on Instagram all day saying “Hi beautiful” to random girls. Does a top athlete, rock star or entrepreneur sit around on Instagram trying to get the attention of girls??? Seriously, this is a fact. Look at good looking women on Fetlife and you will see them clearly state “NO MESSAGES FROM MEN”. They are 100% disinterested in hearing from men a) because of the thirst, which has turned them off completely and b) because the kind of man they are interested in does not generally message girls first on social media anyway – because he doesn’t have to.

Oh, she is looking for awesome men, believe me. If you are being awesome you WILL be noticed – and will be pursued. But by messaging her you already disqualified yourself. I know it sounds weird to begin with, but believe me. Look at this “opener” message I got from a girl (she messaged first and this was NOT a fake profile):

girl first

So ask yourself this: Are you committed to being the best version of you that you could possibly be and living the best life you can live, EVERY SINGLE DAY?

Do that – and let women be the ones to chase; because when you are putting your A game into YOUR LIFE, they will!

Don’t Be Too Available

It is ok to write this kind of a response to a woman you are attracted to (real life example from a different conversation):

busy right now

Not because of some attempt at manipulation or “acting as though you are busy”. But you should actually be busy. You are not going to lose her if you do this!!! Important point. She will actually think more highly of you because you value yourself and your time. Being “always available” does not impress a girl! It signals that you do not have anything important going on in your life!

You should not be fixated on some girl. You should be fixated on YOU. Do not put women on a pedestal! (Do not hate them either). Just stop giving them so much unearned energy. It is unattractive, will lead towards you being financially exploited (well to be honest you are exploiting yourself because you will be the one willingly throwing your money away) and is simply not what you should be doing with your life.

What the hell happened to your PATH? Your CRAFT? Your WORK? Your DREAMS?

What the hell are you even doing on Instagram in the middle of the fucking day?? Do you think that high achievers and top performers in life have time for that bullshit?

No! And neither do you IF YOU ARE GOING TO JOIN THEIR RANKS! It IS within your power, by the way.

But are you being the best version of yourself you can be? That is YOUR choice, your commitment – and being led around by your DICK all day will stop you from getting there!

How do you think I know this? 😉 Been there, done that.

Men’s pathetic simping behavior has now led to an entire generation of young women who do nothing with their lives except sit around in their underwear, chatting with strangers, selling their panties and rubbing one out on camera for thirsty fools who are paying to watch.

What the actual fuck?!?! Stop it!!!

video games all day
Seen online….

Remember the law of nature – people will take whatever you give them. But is that going to be good for them? Not really. Does a free handout lead to higher quality individuals with high self esteem? No, it does not. You know this. Having to work to earn something is what leads to self development, self esteem and fulfillment. The more you give people on a silver platter, the less they appreciate it and the more privileged and entitled they act.

DO NOT CHASE, EVER.

Giving attention to women is something you should only do as a reward for them being good to you. Remember this. That does not mean stonewall them or ignore them totally. It just means, you don’t invest emotionally in someone who has not yet shown you that they give a crap about you. Yes, you have to open but that is literally all she gets until and unless she responds positively. This is why the pick-up artists recommend delivering your opening line “over the shoulder” as opposed to with your body fully facing hers. Facing her totally means you are giving her your undivided attention – which she has not earned yet!

Remember first of all that Beauty Is Common. That pretty girl walking down the street or popping up in your feed is NOT RARE. Stop acting as though she is. There are MILLIONS of pretty women in the world. That is not to say that good looks are not desirable, they are super desirable obviously. But looks do not and will not ever make someone SPECIAL so stop acting as though a good looking girl is made of fairy dust and that she shits your favorite flavor ice cream because of her looks. SHE DOES NOT.

What makes someone exceptional is their CHARACTER and you know NOTHING about her character yet. If you immediately go into PEDESTALIZATION MODE because of her looks then it shows in fact that you have LOW STANDARDS and / or are DESPERATE. Which is a super turn off to a girl!

First of all, focus on YOU. YOU are the one who should be on the pedestal in your own mind. That is not to say you should be a narcissist – you definitely should not – but imagine a statue of you is being made of marble and is going to be the version of you that is seen by the millions for the rest of time. Do you want to make any changes to yourself in order to BECOME THAT MAN who is going to set that example?

When you start committing DAILY to forging YOURSELF into the best version of yourself that you can be, a shift happens. People start noticing you, instinctively. You will notice that they are noticing you; and you will learn that dating should be effortless IF you are living the way you should be living. If you are being the best version of yourself you can be, on all levels, for YOU… it is ATTRACTIVE.

And you will pull, and will be treated better by women in general. Because you are respecting yourself. If you stop chasing women and start seeing them as a reward from life that will come when you start being awesome, you will do so much better.

By all means, make intros to girls. Say hello. Be playful and fun. But DO NOT CHASE. Stop it with the damn text message barrage! Do you not have better things to do?

You cannot “make” a girl be into you. And even if you are made of pure awesome, have sculpted abs from years of training, are a sleek, lean, mean machine….. she might not be into you.

So what? Do you actually fucking care? Because you shouldn’t!! And besides, if you keep on chasing when a girl has already signalled disinterest, then you are creeping her out. Stop it. Don’t be that guy. Do not chase. Attract.

Would James Bond give a shit if some girl blows him off??? Of course not. Because a) he has important stuff to be getting on with anyway, so he just gets right back into his groove and b) he knows that all he has to do is keep on focusing on being awesome and another one will come along.

Turning into a dancing monkey, desperately trying to get her attention… it signals all the wrong things. Let it go! I get it, she is incredibly cute, has that sexy voice you like, booty, legs, boobs, pretty hands, eyes, lips, all of it. I get it, believe me I do! But you have better things to do – and if you WASTE YOUR TIME on all this bullshit, you will NOT become the best version of yourself and she will choose someone else anyway!

And STOP giving money to girls who are not your significant other, for any reason, ever! Is she physically able to earn money doing some kind of work that makes the world a better place? Then why the hell are you helping her NOT to do that?

If you see a pic of a girl online who just knocks you flat on your ass? Stop. Do not message her. Print it out and write underneath “If I succeed in being the best version of myself I can possibly be, this will fall into my lap.” And then get to work! Because she is waiting for you to step up and be your awesome self.

Some Will. Some Won’t. So What? Stop Chasing. Self Improve.

Good Looking People Are Assholes


Billy Idol in his prime, not giving a shit… because why did he need to?

Let’s just be honest. Good looking people are assholes.

People are only as nice as they need to be. Human nature. If you are already getting what you want, why do you need to try any harder?

And so it goes.

The coolest, nicest people I have ever met have been physically unattractive. Also, the most obnoxious, self centered and rude people I have ever met have been very good looking. Now that is not to say that it is impossible for an attractive person to be nice and for an unattractive person to be horrible. Far from it. But there is an underlying principle at work here. It’s all about leverage and the technical term for it is SMV – Sexual Marketplace Value.

How shocking to suggest that such a thing rules human behavior! Don’t forget that sex is what keeps the human race alive and thus the laws of sexuality are the laws that drive our behavior at some of the deepest levels.

When you see an online dating profile of someone physically unattractive, you can be sure they will make a really big effort to be nice (to someone with a perceived higher SMV than themselves).

And I think, yeah, you better be nice, or talented, or skilled – because you ain’t cute.

This is also why comedians are generally not physically ideal specimens. They have to make up for it somehow. We all have talents but we tend not to grow them if there is no perceived need.

People grow according to the boundaries given to them and according to what is required of them. When people are cute, others will generally give them a free pass on all sorts of things. This will have been going on ever since their teenage years, and so the conditioning runs deep. This person can replace you easily as there are others lining up to get a piece of them. Hence a really hot guy or girl can be an absolute cunt and people will still come back for more. They don’t make any efforts to develop character because it really isn’t required: They can get laid and paid anyway.

Whereas if someone is physically repulsive, only the absolute pinnacle of “nice” behavior (read: paying for things and not limiting the behavior of the target) is going to get them laid.

There have also been scientific studies done to demonstrate that ugly people are much more likely to be assumed to be guilty of a crime than someone who has looks.

This is why criminal defense lawyers advise their clients to ‘dress to impress’ when up in the dock. Because if they look sharp it will influence others’ perception of their character. The fact that some pieces of fabric arranged in a certain manner indicates nothing of a person’s morals, is completely irrelevant to our primate brains, that are still hardwired to respond to these environmental cues.

So if you are being ignored, I would honestly say focus on your looks, physique, wardrobe and posture, rather than on trying harder to be nice. Of course, don’t be an asshole. But being a charming asshole – in the sense of being carefree rather than being an outright dick to people – gets results, see Billy Idol interview above. Also be highly aware of the “halo effect” and how it influences the way to treat others who you perceive as attractive.

The same applies in reverse. If you are trying to get the attention of someone gorgeous, be aware that 100+ other people are trying to get their attention also, and they really don’t give a shit because they don’t have to.

It’s really rare to find someone who treats all people with equal respect, regardless of the person’s physical appeal. This applies to both male and female.

So here’s what to do.

1) Understand reality. Know the game.
2) Accept reality for what it is. It is no use wailing that the world is not fair. That would only make you pathetic and get even worse results. Play the game.
3) Work hard on being awesome. “Be someone worth fucking” as they say. Check out our looksmaxing tutorial.

Pussy Hyperinflation Bad

Social media has turned dating upside-down and confused our poor ape-brains as never before. It’s essential to understand the state of the game here and to maintain objectivity, otherwise you will be doomed to a miserable dating life.

The first thing to observe is that online dating gives you the perception that you have infinite options. Whereas fifty years ago your pool of options might have been a handful of women if you were in a small town or village, and perhaps hundreds of women if you were a city socialite – social media now gives us access to millions of people. You can literally view the profiles of and send messages to millions of single females.

However does this improve your chances? Probably not at all – and here’s why. Let’s get right to the main premise of this piece: Accessibility and genuine options are not the same thing. Put another way: If your actual chances of success with something are zero, it is not worth doing, no matter how much hope you have that it will work out.

The next thing to observe is that your options also believe they have millions of options – many of whom inevitably (sorry) have a Sexual Marketplace Value (SMV) above yours.

In other words, whatever your gender and orientation, your target is probably holding out for someone hotter than you; someone that the online dating smorgasbord has similarly fooled them into thinking feel they have a chance with.

As a result, most conversations go nowhere. Most of the messages that people receive are from people that they do not perceive to be hot enough to be worth their time.

The other aspect of this is that women get tons of attention on social media and dating platforms. You will surely have noticed that on Instagram, the vast majority of females get 10x to 1000x the amount of likes and comments that males get. It need hardly be said that this is entirely based on looks. This thirstiness and giving of immediate IOIs lowers your value.

Ever wonder why Tinder isn’t working for you? A study of Tinder has also found that a man of “average” attractiveness will be “liked” by only 1 in 115 women. It turns out that the 80:20 rule applies here – with 78% of women competing for the top 20% of men and the other 80% of men competing for the bottom 22% of women.

This causes two things to happen.

1) As a male, your value goes down. You are very, very replaceable. If she is attractive, she has a thousand options. She doesn’t even have to be nice to you. She doesn’t have to display any virtues or qualities whatsoever. She can create a super lazy profile saying “just ask” and will STILL get 1,000 messages. Her sense of entitlement and worth go through the roof.

However this causes problems. This sense of entitlement, combined with women’s natural hypergamous nature (their willingness to “trade up” if something better comes along) means that they are essentially holding out for the “super hot guy” who they think they are worth, yet who has so many options that he regards them as disposable too!

Society too has told them that they are worth this – and the social media attention confirms the entitlement – even if they are average looking.

Trust me, with online dating they are primarily interested in looks. Women want a hot guy! Why do you think that Tinder is so popular with women? It enables them to filter through men really fast by looks, instantly eliminating all but “the hot guys”.

Long and short of it, it works for almost nobody, except the top few percent of good looking humanoids, who are bombarded with messages and have tons of options.

And for those people it is most likely destroying their character and chances of becoming something awesome in life, because they have it too easy to really start giving a shit about the right things. In other words, social media can be incredibly unhealthy.

Remember that it is an artificial world. Women who will not give you the time of day on social media (because their “I can do better” online mindset has kicked in) will be far more receptive in the real world, where you can also demonstrate personality, realness and nuance in a way that is all but impossible in the artificial environment of a dating website.

Remember also that, in the words of Pimp Rosebudd “She knows nothing about your style until you bring it to her ass”. Don’t assume that she can see your personality online. She probably can’t. She doesn’t “get” you and doesn’t care. She is only thinking one thing “Is he hot enough?” aka ‘gina tingles. She has been spoon fed fantasies of Christian Grey (50 Shades Of Grey), together with various other Hollywood nonsense – and she wants to snag a celebrity Prince Charming – hot, rich, exciting, well hung. The fact that these men are very few and far between is neither here nor there. She has made up her mind that she is good enough and so she will likely brush aside even above average contenders.

In short: You can be awesome and still crash and burn over and over again online…

There are three things to do here and one thing not to do:

1) Improve your look as much as you can. Work out. Looksmax. Make more of an effort to dress well. Study our Looksmaxing Tutorial!
2) Improve your game.
3) Go out and meet women in the real world. Not only will this be better for your game (and your posture!) than hiding behind a keyboard, but you will have better chances. Do not spend your life sitting in a chair staring at a screen. Trust me, it is a killer.
4) Stop tricking off your paper. Stop buying women stuff. Do NOT give money to women online. Do NOT give money to their Patreon for the “privilege” of getting a thank you from them. It’s horrific. Man the fuck up and do not succumb to this nonsense of giving gifts to someone you are not in an actual relationship with and who is not giving gifts to you.

Removing Manipulative People, Cockblocks, Cunts And Swindlers From Your Life

It is extremely difficult to have a completely fulfilling life if there are people attempting to exploit you in various ways for their own ends; riding rough-shod across your fields and trampling your flowers. It’s time to close the gate.

You Are Being Cockblocked

In the modern world it is essentially socially frowned upon for a man to have game, and to be successfully pulling and enjoying sexual adventures. A successful bachelor will be labeled as a player, mocked and even criticized for not “manning up” (translation: for not providing support for someone else’s kids!) Society in general wants to pour salt on a man’s game! And then on top of that, you have the various individuals who make a point of doing so for their own purposes.

High Value Attracts The Sharks

Learning to deal with manipulative people is especially important to “successful people” for the simple reason that the more you have, the more that people will want to have a piece of you. This is simple life 101. The juicier the leaf, the more caterpillars there are nibbling at it. So you will find that as you grow in power in life, the games become more difficult, and the sharks become bigger, faster and hungrier. Achieve sudden wealth and all sorts of people will befriend and flatter you – for their own ends. The same applies to good looks, status and other forms of value – and not everyone plays nice.

So before you present yourself naively as a “high value guy” that has resources and is highly desired by women, you have to ask yourself whether you really want the inevitable consequences of appearing this way. Being desired by women sounds good on paper but you have to consider the fact that these people may well not have any interest whatsoever in improving your life and may only have an interest in improving their own. This is typically not good news!

It is therefore sometimes best to keep your value under wraps and learn to control the “statement” you are making. This applies both to physical wealth and other forms of value such as status. Fame can be a nightmare – as is well known. And displaying wealth merely signals to the pirates that you are a loaded galleon ripe for the plunder.

Human Nature

There are fundamentally two kinds of people. Those who give a damn about you – or at least live by some sort of ethical code where they have a baseline of treating people with respect, and those who are out for whatever they can get and have no qualms about taking what they want for themselves, sometimes with no care for the consequences or damage caused.

This form of selfishness has always lurked in the shadows of human life but appears to be getting more prevalent in the modern world. I wonder if there is in general less of a code of ethics than there used to be and more of a drive to “get what’s yours”. It seems that way, although it is difficult to say ultimately.

Women have been particularly encouraged and legitimized by modern culture (girl power, yay!) to become unashamedly selfish – using their charm and sexuality to gain status, power and wealth. It has already been decreed from upon high that men are assholes, and so, conveniently dehumanized, men are fair game in the eyes of many women.

There is also a “halo effect” where the more good looking a person is, the more virtuous they are believed to be. This has been proven by scientific study. It is also quite possible that being good looking has in fact made them less virtuous: Good looking people are given free pass after free pass for bad behavior and in many cases this has led, through negative conditioning, to them being entirely corrupt – having had no boundaries for so long, that selfishness and manipulation have become so deeply ingrained that they cannot be changed. Reliance on charm has become the absolute default mode. It need hardly be said that after their charms fade, people of this type, having developed no virtue, will have nothing that anyone wants. Women of this type will wail “Where have all the good men gone?” and console themselves with cats, Haagen Das and Netflix binges instead of creating value for others.

Regardless of the trappings and surfaces that people present to you, their glamour and sparkle, their talk and charm, you must learn to see through to the core of the person and understand whether they actually care about you, or whether they only care about their own gain. Even the most skilled manipulator cannot deceive the person who truly understands human nature and can read motive accurately.

This is not a simple yes/no equation. There are various degrees of selfishness. It’s a spectrum – with the majority of people being somewhere in the middle; of course having self-interest, but with an overall concept of fairness and “the win win”.

Some people on the other hand are dangerous – plain and simple. You will be stunned, shocked and flabbergasted at the shit that people are capable of pulling. I have seen people swindle businesses or embezzle funds from friends and family with no qualms. I have encountered people drugging people’s drinks both for sexual predation and for sadistic amusement. And I have seen people fabricate an extraordinarily complex web of deceit in order to bring another person down.

Playing For Keeps

When a woman finds a man that she wants for keeps, the game changes. Now some women are cool and don’t act possessive. But very many will do whatever they can to keep the other women away. Most of the time, the man won’t have an inkling of what is going on. She will be sugar and spice and all things nice to his face, while giving death glares to other females when he is looking the other way. Women are PROS at this. And the more desirable you are, the more intense it gets. You will be disgusted at the dastardly way some women, supposedly the fairer sex, compete with other women. And you have to peep game, otherwise you will get creamed. Watch out for the woman who wants you for herself. Watch out for the ones who are pissed off for a week after you so much as glance at the ass of a girl who was walking the other way down the street. Big red flag. Does she want to control you or does the actually care about your happiness? Chose well!

Putting You In Orbit

A manipulator may even be someone who is not actually fucking you and has no intention of doing so. People who are social climbers want to associate with high value people because it makes them look good or confers other social benefits. You might be being kept around as a kind of accessory. Women who are competing with other women may like to collect orbiters. Orbiters are essentially male admirers who she has no intention of sleeping with, but make her look good or do favors for her. Shallow women love to make a display of all the attention they are getting from men. She will pull tricks such as inviting you round to her work place to bring her a coffee (and being the chump you are, you will say yes because then you get to see her, you desperate fool). Unless you are actually getting some, she is not doing this because she is longing to see you, she is doing it because she wants her co-workers to see how admired and powerful she is. It’s pathetic… but it happens – with manipulative people. Cool people don’t do that kind of bullshit. But the problem is that cool people are often the suckers. Because it does not occur to them to do such absurd things, they do not see it coming either. So you need to be wise and adept at reading people. It comes through experience – sadly, often too late, after someone has already fucked up your shit utterly. If you have ever been in the position of having your dreams shattered and looking back, too late, you will know exactly what I am talking about.

I Shall Decide What You Get

Many people are strangely, even perversely controlling. Some people, both male and female – even people you do not have a romantic connection with – will want to play gatekeeper in your sex life. They have somehow decided what THEY think is suitable for you (it’s none of their fucking business!) and will pull various tricks to run off, derail and pour salt on scenarios that do not meet their approval. Family members, co-workers, supposed friends, exes, competing admirers and even complete strangers might have a hand to to play, so keep your eyes peeled.

Women in groups will often cockblock the other girls in the group; and men will be vetted for approval before the girl is “allowed” to associate with him by her friends. Sometimes this is done for justifiable reason – to run off predators, fuckboys and guys who are bad news, but it is often done also out of jealousy or for various other controlling motives; and may even be done habitually, by default. In general, hotter women are more likely to be ‘locked down’ in terms of social access. In difficult scenarios you may not be able to get her away from her friends and may need to do a stealth number drop and meet with the girl privately. You do have a catch card, don’t you? A simple, small card (smaller is better, it can be palmed!) can be exchanged in 0.5 seconds whereas one of you putting your number in the other’s phone is slow and very visible. If she has been making “I want you” eyes at you, but is in a situation where she is locked down or being pulled away by her mates, you might be able to slip her your catch card by stealth.

…And she will appreciate your discretion. Many women will ONLY sleep with a man who she can trust to be discreet – so learn this skill. And there are many situations where a woman thinks a man is hot and would actually fuck him but the man is considered ‘taboo’ by her peers – too poor, too dirty, too old, too crazy, “bad boy” etc. If you can recognize these signals and provide the opportunity for a discreet encounter, you might just be in luck.

It’s not just women who cockblock though. In my youth, a male friend of mine would attempt to fuck up my scene with girls. A man being cockblocked by a male friend! Imagine that! He would either put me down in front of them, persuade me that they were beneath me, cite various pseudo-moralistic reasons why I ought not to be with her (watch out for those) or otherwise undermine the relationship between me and the girl. Sometimes the motive was transparent – so that he could get in there himself. Other times, it was more bizarre – he was actually jealous of the connection and wanted ‘bro time’ sufficiently that he would derail my intimate time with the girl and steal me away. Sounds gay but it in fact was not.. just very, very controlling. Some people are so controlling that they need to be in control for no reason other than that they need to be in control. And some are extremely charismatic, clever and so skilled that they will run rings around you, until you get hip to the game. At the time, I was young and innocent and simply had no clue what was going on, or that anyone could even have such absurd motives. I got creamed. This person successfully salted my game on three separate occasions to my knowledge – and perhaps more! Then one day I wised up, and had a moment of clarity where it suddenly all made sense. But it was sadly far too late for those situations that they had smashed. I don’t hang out with that “friend” socially any more. Such persons are not, in fact, your friends.

The List Goes On and I have barely even given scratched the surface of the myriad of possible cockblocks you might receive.

Get Clarity

It is contrary to your interests to associate even peripherally with manipulative, selfish people. You must learn the art of removing them from your life.

The first step in reclaiming your life is recognizing who is who. This is mission critical and often extremely difficult. Some manipulators are so skilled that you may only realize ten years later that you were had. In other cases, you would never have known, were it not for information supplied by an ally. And in other cases, you will simply never know what actually went down. It’s sad that so often you only get wise years after, when it really is too late and the past is frozen in time. But that’s life. There must be millions of people who only get clarity on their life when they are old or dying and it’s too late. Don’t be someone who can only look back helplessly thinking “if only”…

Cut The Cords

The next step is to remove people from your life who have their hooks into you. This can be a real adventure and the difficulty may vary. In simple cases you might simply “go ghost” and avoid contacting that person. In more difficult cases you may be required to make serious and drastic life changes to get away from a bad person.

You typically cannot simply confront such a person with their misdeeds and cause them to change. They will evade, lie, cheat… and continue – and furthermore may quite likely take your accusations very personally. Of course, they are perfect in their own narcissistic mind – and so such attempts to reinstate truth and fairness can only be interpreted as an evil attack; one which must therefore be thwarted by bringing even bigger guns into the field. Which the expert manipulator will always have.

A bad person is a bad person and you should think first about saving your own skin. Holding up the mirror to their face will only amplify the darkness. And revenge will often lead to horrible consequences for all concerned. There is only one thing a man can do: You have to remove them from your life and prevent them from fucking up your scene any more.

If the scenario requires any kind of face-to-face engagement, do it privately and inform the person, kindly but firmly, that it is over and that you will be moving forward without them. Cutting the cords should be done cleanly, completely and decisively. Expect that there will be denial and protestations of innocence; possibly even crocodile tears. It’s likely that the perpetrator might try to worm their way back in. But you don’t need them and the real challenge here is simply to stay firm, end the conversation and walk away. They may bait you in order to get you to re-engage. Don’t fall for it. It’s over. Walk away without looking back and make a fresh start. Don’t waste your time on these people. There are 7 billion others waiting in the wings, and you can do better.

“Reclaiming your own identity” – on a psychological level – may have some value. Remember that you are a free adult who has a right to consensual relations with another, without anyone else making it their business. You have a right to choose who is in your life and you are not required to maintain social connections that do not serve you positively. You must also be aware that you need to stand up for yourself because people will not always respect you just because that is what they ought to do. Not everyone is cool that way.

Damage Control

A lie, as is well known, “gets half way around the world before the truth gets its pants on”. It may be impossible for you to set the record straight in all instances, but you should take care of reputation management, correcting misinformation wherever it is possible and prudent to do so. It’s sad that people poisoned against you may never know the truth – and in some situations you simply have to let it go and look forward to bright new beginnings.

A Gentleman Does Not Kiss And Tell

A most advisable step is simply not to inform people of your private affairs. At all. Gossip spreads and you know the old saying “loose lips sink ships”. Bank robbers and the like are often caught because they could not resist boasting to someone of their deeds. Keeping an actual secret, especially one you are proud of, is very difficult and most people cannot do it. It’s the same with romantic liaisons. Let’s say you have a new crush. Will you keep it to yourself so that no jealous person can ruin the set? Let’s say you sealed the deal with this super fine babe. Would you be able to resist calling your mates and boasting of your conquest?

Why are you doing this anyway? Going after hot women so that you can boast to your pals is a pretty lame reason to go on the pull – and not only this but women are likely to shut down on you if they suspect this kind of egoism – because they have a reputation to protect too; not to mention that they will likely be seeking someone who is into them for them, not as a trophy! So get clear on your motives and keep your private life private. Intimacy is intimate because it is shared between the persons concerned and no others.

Privacy is even more difficult now in the age of social media. Information about your private life should not be laid out on Facebook or anywhere else. It isn’t Zuckerberg or anyone else’s business whether you are in a relationship so keep it that way.

Trusted Allies

Learn to recognize the true ally – the person who is all the way down for you. There are not many of those true friends in your life and you are lucky if you have one.

The person who is really down for you, all the way down, will be the one to inform you of a conspiracy against you, out of loyalty to you over the perpetrators. But watch out for potential motives for doing so. Maybe they want to give the appearance of loyalty but for some deeper, more calculating purpose. It goes deep!

In order to get loyalty, you have to give loyalty. A person has to believe that they will be better off being loyal to you than not. They have to feel recognized and acknowledged, protected and cared for.

Inexperienced people have no real idea of the value of trust. Someone you can trust to the end is gold. There are too few of those people around. When you find one, do what you can to give this person value and reward them for being true.

Make A List

This is a fantastic exercise. Here is what I would recommend. Create three categories. 1) “People who fucked me over in some way”. 2) “People in the middle ground” (who have done some harm but also some real good, or are under suspicion) and 3) “People who have never fucked me over as far as I know”.

Go through all the people you have known throughout your life. No point in adding people who are mere acquaintances. We are talking about actual friends and people you have spent real time with here. You can even rank the people in some kind of order, with the people you have known the longest or spent the most time with at the top.

Now take a good look at the list. Are the people in category 1 still influencing your life in the present time? Are the people in category 2 being treated cordially yet cautiously? And have you shown your appreciation and gratitude for all the people in category 3? Think back over your life and recall all the people who never actually fucked you over. Be sure to show those people your appreciation. Even in simple ways – remembering their birthday, etc. Sometimes humble goodness goes all too unnoticed.

You may also find that there are some people about whom you find yourself thinking “I just don’t know where I should place that person.” Listen to those instincts, they are there for a reason. Again, be cordial. But be cautious of counting on such people or trusting them with too much.

Private Space

Younger men in particular may have a hard time having actual private space that they are in control of. Family members, room mates, landlords and so on may have a controlling influence. You should be able to take a woman back to your pad without anyone running interference. If you don’t have that kind of scenario, with genuine privacy, you need to get it organized. Having logistics properly handled makes a huge difference to the success of your private life.

Extra Pairs Of Eyes

Not enough people believe that God is always watching these days. Not that I am religious. But the more people think that they can get away with, the more they try. The kind of people you can trust are the kind of people you can trust when you are not looking. But extra eyes – both real and artificial – are always beneficial. Nothing beats a hidden camera to reveal whether someone is stealing from you or a trusted friend to reveal whether others respect you as highly when you are not around as when you are.

Do Not Become The Monster

It is essential that in the course of removing the various gremlins and monsters from your life, that you do not yourself become one of the monsters. So be sure to keep your own virtue and your own high standards. Never sink to their level. A good way to maintain virtue is to get into the habit of doing something for others every day. Not for the punks who don’t deserve it, or merely expect it without appreciation, but for those who need it. Do not become someone who is solely obsessed with getting what he wants at all costs. And don’t waste your life in endless paranoia over enemy action. The world is neither all good nor all bad, so be grateful for the good and seek to heal the bad. Be concerned with the welfare of others, not to your own detriment, but as a matter of general principle. Virtue is the best of all protections against enemies and gives them the least opportunity to tear you down.

Sometimes it takes years, especially when you are younger, for the smoke to clear and for you to realize who is cool and who isn’t, who is worth your time and who is bad news, who is on your side and who never really was. The quicker you can see people’s true colors, the better.

Now that I am older I look back and one of my biggest regrets is the times when I did not see sooner who I should have stayed with and who I should have avoided. Some people are awesome and others are a fucking nightmare. A relationship is an important choice. This person has more power to raise you up to the stars, or smash you down to ruin, than almost anyone else you will encounter. Even if you are ‘just having fun’ this applies.

“Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends…”

LooksMaxing Tutorial – How To Be The Hot Guy That Women Notice

“It’s your duty to be beautiful… If you want to be loved.”

Looks are the single biggest factor in determining your attractiveness – and this goes for both males and females.

If you look great, eyes will go up when you enter a room. People will notice you. Women will smile at you when you look at them. Women will make and hold eye contact with you more than is necessary. If you approach, they will start fussing over their hair, suddenly becoming concerned over their physical appearance whereas a moment before they were unconcerned with it.

If you look really great, women will deliberately position themselves near you in the hope that you notice them. If you are in the club, women will come and dance near you and ‘put on a display’, becoming louder, dancing more sexily, hoping to catch your attention. You may catch them clocking you to see if you are clocking their display (great sign). Confident women may even open you directly (initiate conversation). If you are already in conversation, their eyes will widen, they may twirl or play with their hair and they will focus intently on you, happy to give you their undivided attention rather than having eyes that wander around the room. If you post an online dating profile, you will get several unsolicited messages per day from women. The better you look, the bolder women become and the more extraordinary the things they will do in order to get and keep your attention.

If none of the above things are happening, then either you need to get your eyes tested or – more likely – you are just not looking all that striking and are being treated as wallpaper. If you post an online dating profile and you don’t get lots of messages from women, then you are not looking all that great. Sorry. She has better looking options than you and sees you as “just another dude”. And if you don’t think women are really that concerned by looks; why have they taken to Tinder en masse? It enables them to filter by looks at unprecedented speed. Women are massively influenced by looks and this single fact absolutely dictates the rules of the game.

I know, this is a brutal reality check but it really is true – and the sooner you can suck it up, the sooner you can take action. How many women have called you “handsome” this week? How many women have opened you out of the blue? How many unsolicited messages did you receive from women? Develop your peripheral awareness and use the amount of actual attention you are getting as an accurate yardstick of how good looking you are. Do NOT ask women if they think you are good looking because you will not get a straight answer if they do not think you are good looking. You will get a “you are fine” or “you are not bad” or “just be confident” or some other watered down nonsense. They also don’t want to have to teach you how to be a man. Be aware also that women are often not conscious of how much they are influenced by looks, and that good looks create a “halo effect” that cause them to see you are “interesting” or have various other positive qualities.

The good news is that there are many things you can do in order to increase your attractiveness and the goal of this tutorial is to enable you to raise yourself by at least two “points”. It will take some hard work, some introspection and some commitment but you CAN do this – and it is absolutely worth it because you will get tangible gains in your success in attracting women. If you are single, you will get more attention. When women see other women checking you out, their interest will grow – and if you are already in a relationship, your girlfriend will want more sex, more often. And your chances of getting laid will simply go up – especially when you also improve your logistics, your game and your social status.

Being an “average man”, and in particular being average looking, simply doesn’t cut it in today’s world. Why? Because in the age of social media, women have tons of choices and are getting constant attention. She therefore has an inflated sense of her own sexual marketplace value and is holding out for “the hot guy” that she feels she deserves. So you need to cut through the pack and stand out.

The Red Pill Truth

Step one is to accept and own the red pill truth that attraction rules the way women treat you. If women are treating you poorly, it is because they are not attracted to you. Yes it is good to be a “man of virtue”, but be aware that this does absolutely nothing for whether she is attracted to you – and attempting to attract her with these qualities will most likely cause her to see you as a “simp” or a “white knight”. Start putting yourself first for a change! Take her off the pedestal in your own mind and put yourself back on it. YOU are the one who belongs on the pedestal in your own mind! Own it! There. There you are. Take a good look at yourself. Are you the man you want to be? No? Then it’s time to raise your game. Because that’s your job as a man: To be the most awesome version of yourself you can possibly be. Never put someone else on that pedestal. You belong on there. Never forget this.

Now that’s self-esteem handled, let’s get on to the art of looking damn good… 😉

Looking good involves numerous individual characteristics, the more of which you have the better looking you will be perceived as being. Improve as many as you can but take careful note of which ones are the most important. Resources are always limited and you should use them to your greatest advantage…

Facial attractiveness

The most important single aspect of a man’s attractiveness is his face. This is an in-depth topic and much scientific study has been done in order to determine the characteristics of an attractive face. It has all been scientifically worked out. It’s a challenge to overcome difficult genetics without taking extreme and potentially risky measures such as plastic surgery, however there is much else a man can do.

The science of facial attractiveness has been written up in full elsewhere. Rather than rewrite it all I am just going to link what I thought was a very interesting and useful tutorial – though take note, I think plastic surgery is an extreme measure that should only be used in extreme cases, and with full consideration of the various risks: The complete LOOKS MAXING guide.

Consider carefully the parts about nutrition, about skin care and the comment that someone made: “Facial hair is like makeup for men”.

Height

Most women objectify men very seriously based on their height – and it’s one of the more difficult aspects for a man to overcome – though certainly not impossible. Your options are pretty much to wear built-up shoes, and that’s about it. So do it. Platform shoes such as these awesome New Rock Boots can add 2 to 3 (or more) inches to your height (2 3/4 in the case of the shoes at the link) – and when you are lying down she is not going to be thinking about your height any more. You can also wear thick insoles / lifts in your shoes to bump up your height a little more.

To demonstrate an example of how astonishingly extreme women’s objectification of men’s height can be, Heightism Exposed and Heightism Report are Twitter accounts that have collected eye-popping examples of heightism from other tweets, mostly from women. Warning, many of the tweets collected here are extraordinarily offensive, a shocking testament to these women’s callous indifference and even hatred towards men they consider to have low value. If you had any illusions about women being the ‘fairer sex’ or some other nonsense like that, reading those tweets will bury it. These are female biological imperatives expressed uncut, from the safety of being behind the keyboard. She’s driven by biology – just like you.

Do note however that despite the fact that height is clearly “trendy” for women to hate on, strong cards in other aspects can overcome shortness. Tom Cruise for example is 5’7″ but had legions of female fans in his day. Charlie Chaplin was a diminutive 5’4″, married his 18 year old love at the age of 54 and sired his 11th child at the age of 72!! Prince was even shorter at either 5’2″ or 5’3″, depending on the source, but that didn’t stop him from becoming a superstar with an abundance of fine ladies in his life – as one might expect.

So don’t be disheartened if you are not tall. Do what you can, and remember the cards analogy from our SMV tutorial: Any and all strong cards are good, and strengths in one suit can overcome lesser cards in another. Make the best of what you have and raise your overall SMV in whatever ways you can.

Musculature / Physique / Body Fat

Probably one of the best things you can do for your looks is to lower your body fat and increase your musculature. Note also that individual preferences vary and that this is also variable depending on your culture – as the idealized physique is different in different countries. In Western countries, if you can achieve the “classic” male V-shaped physique, with powerful shoulders, defined abs, triceps, lats etc, you will be considered generally attractive. Lowering your body fat will also reduce under-chin fat and make your jawline and cheekbones more pronounced, improving your facial characteristics.

How muscular should you be? Interestingly, scientific study has shown that men’s ideas on what women would think of as an ideal male physique are often way off base, with men thinking that they need to be way more built than what women consider ideal. Women’s preference in musculature does however vary considerably. Some women only like very muscular guys, athletes and so on. Others go for the more “skinny rock star” physique.

But there is a well-established ‘median’ here which should be considered as your goal; the “Brad Pitt in Fight Club” physique. In a scientific study that allowed women to rank male torsos, without seeing the face, Brad’s torso came out as a hands-down winner over and above other more-ripped physiques as well as skinnier guys: The Ideal Male Physique — What girls want & what guys want to be. This is good news for men because this body shape is much more attainable than some of the ultra-muscular physiques that men think they need – and which women actually don’t find attractive! Note that Brad’s physique for the movie Fight Club, (which was the top physique chosen by women) was the result of rigorous training before the movie shoot and likely not the exact physique that he carries around daily.

Note of course that how women respond verbally may be different to how they respond physically – and their response to “alpha” males has been shown to vary at different times in their cycle.

Note also that it is not necessarily vital to be ripped in order to get girls – if your status is high and you have a very attractive face. Example – Tom Kaulitz of the band Tokyo Hotel (he’s the one with the big hair). Now this man is not by any stretch of the imagination muscular – but at the time that this photo was taken the band had legions of screaming female fans. Note however that he does have low body fat, is taller than his bandmates, and has exceptional facial features – jawline, cheekbones, eyebrows etc are all classic “model looks”. He also has “rock star hair” which is big, spiky and flamboyant (see the section on “peacocking” below).

Low body fat is highly desirable to many women, though you don’t want to go too far / look as though you are starving because too low body fat is also considered a turn-off. Again, refer to the link above about the ideal male physique, which breaks it down. It’s interesting to note that in ancient times, a broad torso was highly desired.
Look at the famous portrait of King Henry VIII in 1540, which exemplifies the idealized male of his era. He is about as broad as he is tall!! Having higher body fat was seen as a mark of high status – because you clearly had access to resources and were therefore a long way from being on the brink of starvation. Starvation was a very real thing in ancient times and so being too thin was considered to have lower survival and replication value. However now that food is generally available to all in first world countries, it is interesting to note how being overweight is now almost universally considered unattractive. Obesity is now more of a health risk than being skinny – high body fat is well known to lead to a shorter lifespan – so this is not just a vanity issue, it’s a very serious health concern also. Fat is a killer. Here’s a really great tutorial on losing the body fat and getting an attractive, lean physique.

Change your physique and you will notice the difference in how women respond to you. If you make great progress, don’t be surprised if women who were previously nice to you seem to become more disdainful. They may now be perceiving you as out of their league.

Peacocking

Looks can also be used to display status. This is an important biological principle that applies in the animal as well as human realm and its observation has led to the pickup artists’ strategy of peacocking.

This word came about because the male peacock competes with other males by attempting to display the brightest, biggest and most opulent plumage to the female, with the winner being the one to mate with her. A person who “peacocks” is thus one who displays large, bright or otherwise deliberately noticeable clothing, hair and/or accessories in order to signal high SMV.

The grand, iridescent, erect display of the peacock indicates good genetics, vitality and access to resources. It also indicates “alpha status” as there is no fear of being noticed. That monumental, gaudy and even somewhat ridiculous plumage is awkward to carry around; it certainly does not make him able to fight better or run faster! Yet interestingly, this has the “inverse psychological” effect of making him appear massively confident, even fearless. He is able to risk such an extravagant display and get away with it without being attacked by other males or predators; he is a winner!

Most men are afraid to be noticed, to stand out, typically due to the fear of negative attention and “social shaming” from both other males and females. So they “dress down” and make a great effort to look normal in order to blend in and not be singled out for attention. This has the effect on women of making the male appear lacking in confidence; whereas a man who creates a more striking look is immediately seen as more confident and therefore more attractive. We may look at rock stars, pimps and impresarios, with their garish, gaudy, over the top dress sense and think “what a showboat!” – but there is no doubt that it works. It overrides our rational sense and connects with our innate, primal instincts – which are of course the ones we want to tap into in order to spike female attraction.

Here are some textbook examples of men who have taken peacocking to extremes – with great success:

The “Sun King” Louis XIV of France, alternative models Perish Dignam and Valentin Winter, rock stars such as David Bowie, Robert Smith of “The Cure”, Bill Kaulitz of the band Tokyo Hotel, Movie Star Johnny Depp as Don Juan, old school pimps such as Bishop Don “Magic” Juan and Pimp Snooky (love ’em or hate ’em… but they are peacocking in a big way!)

Now of course, you don’t have to take it as far as these men, but you cannot deny the reality that it causes them to stand out in a big way. With peacocking, nothing succeeds like excess. It’s interesting to observe that none of the above men are “tough guys”. They are all super fly looking motherfuckers – but several of the examples given are quite effeminate, with painted nails, makeup and so on – yet women are delirious over them: The examples I chose all have or had large numbers of female fans, or lovers, and / or their own harem.

Take notes and don’t be afraid to be noticed. A good “rule of thumb” to get started with this is that it’s good to have one “show piece” item of attire – whether it is a hat, boots, hair, jacket or piece of jewelry. Other items then play a “supporting role”. Wearing at least one “interesting” item is also beneficial in that it gives a woman who wants to open you an “easy” conversation starter – they can say “I like your ______”. This is then the perfect opportunity for you to tell a DHV story.

To take peacocking further, add more showpieces. The bold, striking looks created by the men listed above combine multiple show pieces to great effect.

Hair

Aside from being the human equivalent of plumage, which indicates vitality, the shape of the hair greatly affects the perceived shape and size of the head. A good haircut in the modern style will bump up a man’s attractiveness by at least one point and will make you feel sharp as well. Modern masculine styles typically increase the perceived “squareness” of the face, accentuating the jawline as if continuing its vertical line as high as possible, and creating the look of a broad, flat hairline and forehead. Dye covering grey hair will generally make a man look younger. As for balding, this is too in depth a topic to cover here – but do what you can. If possible, find pictures of male models that have hairstyles that you like and think would look good on you; this will help a hairdresser create the look you want.

Posture And Body Language

More important than most people realize. Good posture IMMEDIATELY raises your attractiveness by at least one point, possibly more. This is something that you can start fixing right now and it absolutely works! The importance of this cannot be overstated.

How a man carries himself is critical to how he is perceived. Is he cowering, shoulders forward, chin lowered, eyes downcast, as if defeated by life? Or does he stride confidently, shoulders back, chest proud, chin up, eyes level, smiling like the sun as if to say “Behold me! I am a God – and today we celebrate life!” Just this shift alone can get you laid, I promise you.

So add a bit of swagger in order to communicate that you are a man who thinks highly of himself. Remember the pedestal that I mentioned in the introduction? Get back on there! You are important, dammit – so stand like it! When you sit, lean back as though you are King of all you survey (because you are!) Don’t be afraid to take up space and to “own the space around you”. Remember that you are a magnificent child of the stars. A Son of God, if you will. You ARE the Winning Sperm (that already makes you a one-in-fifty-million winner before you were even born!) See yourself as a King and the other men around you as Kings also.

Adopting a confident psychology such as the above will immediately help your posture. There are however very many other details, and body language is absolutely huge when it comes to the topic of attraction. We need a full tutorial on this so look out for that one.

Beyond momentary posture there is your long term posture – and it is important to note that your body adapts its shape to what you habitually do. One of the great postural problems of the modern era is that people spend the majority of their lives sitting in chairs – which causes terrible postural problems, leading over time to anterior pelvic tilt and a very unattractive spinal curvature that makes you appear fatter and less confident than you actually are! If you have a sedentary lifestyle you will absolutely need to take breaks, consider a standing desk and take action to counteract this habitual posture. Another terrible habit is staring down at a mobile phone, which leads to text neck – an unsightly forward droop of the neck which can also lead to significant neck problems over time in addition to looking terrible. I am not qualified to give medical advice but there are tutorials on how to fix these – all over Youtube.

Clothes

As the saying goes, the clothes make the man. A man should pay attention to his wardrobe; gradually acquiring a collection of clothes that make him look great, and having them tailored when necessary so that they fit well. You will find that the more clothes you acquire, the more ‘combinations’ you are able to create that look cool. You want ideally to have several great looks so that you always have something cool to wear and can ‘keep it fresh’ – not always being seen wearing the same jacket etc.

Be aware of the various “handsome guy stereotypes” that are common in our culture. Many women have already “decided” that they want a certain type of guy – for example goth girls will probably want a hot goth guy boyfriend. However it is generally advisable not to make yourself too “niche” because by doing so you would be limiting your options.

Make an effort to take care of your clothes. Find a good seamstress / tailor and have them make any adjustments or repairs needed – or make them yourself if you have the skill of course! See your wardrobe as an investment that should last a lifetime. If you find something that you really, really like – buy two or more, because the same styles will not be around in a few years time and then once it’s worn out, it’s gone.

In general a slimmer fit will show off your physique better. Women often complain about men who wear big, sloppy t-shirts and pants that do nothing at all for their figure. She wants to see what you’ve got! 😉 Consider also tailor-made shirts and, if you can afford it, a tailored suit – as well-cut, properly fitted clothes will add another point – or more – to your attractiveness!

Another wardrobe tip is that clothes can get stale if left in drawers or a wardrobe for a long time. Some good tips here: 1) an open packet of baking soda left in the corner acts as an odor remover. 2) Collect up all the silica gel packets that get left over from vitamins and other product packaging and keep them in your wardrobe or clothes drawers as they act as dehumidifiers, reducing mustiness. 3) An open bag of cedarwood chips; cedarwood is a moth repellent and also gives a lovely fragrance that is considered one of the masculine fragrances. It will only give a hint to your clothes but it’s a good hint…

Grooming

You should smell damn good, and you should not have bad breath, bits of food stuck in your teeth, hairs sticking out of your nose and so on. These ‘universal basics’ are the same for all, yet there are different ‘levels’ of grooming expected in different social and economic circles. Fashions regarding body and facial hair seem to change every decade so you are probably best advised to keep up with the times. Get your teeth straightened, cleaned, whitened. Pluck those sticking out nasal hairs. This is another topic that could get lengthy but there’s no need to reinvent the wheel so just go to Youtube and look for “male grooming tips”!

Final Note

The above are the most important points of looking good. Hard work is the key to success in life – so get to work and notice the attention you receive going up! And do note that as a man, time is not on your side. You have a limited time to get it together and celebrate your brief moment as a King in the best way you can – by being fully alive.

Be aware also that for a man looks are not everything. Looks are very important, but there are many examples of men who were very successful with women for reasons other than their looks. You can still get the girl if you have great game – but looks help more than most men realize and most men simply don’t do enough to help themselves in this area; thus giving those who do a big advantage. See our tutorial How To Raise Your SMV for a full breakdown of the various attraction triggers (of which looks are one) and a deeper understanding of their interplay with each other.

How To Raise Your SMV And Get The Girl

Note – if you haven’t read the post Decoding SMV please check that one out as it is a prerunner to this one.

Much has been written about the various aspects of the game, however there appears to be one topic about which none can agree: On what a man should best focus his efforts in order to improve his SMV (sexual marketplace value) and increase his odds of getting the girl he wants?

Some say that game is everything and that looks don’t matter. Some say that looks are everything and game doesn’t matter. Some say that if you have enough money, nothing else matters. And others say that your perceived status / power is the fundamental driver of attraction.

They can’t all be right.

The fact of the matter is that any of these qualities, if strong enough, can be enough to pull the girl; and the more you have, the better:

Game: RSD Owen’s infield videos of his crazy, daring pickups as a self-confessed “short balding ginger”, prove the value of game and that pure charisma can be enough.

Status: On the other hand, here’s footage (great documentary by the way) of female fans going crazy over Sting of the band The Police as the band’s star was on the rise. It’s an intense, potentially even dangerous moment – he’s literally just attempting to leave the building after a show in town. Listen to the screaming when he appears in the doorway! Note that he didn’t do anything whatsoever to game them; it’s his talent, rock star status and looks that win all this adulation. Note also that he is not at all confident in this moment and even admits that it is scary. Note also the “alpha female” (top right of the open doorway) who is calling his name seductively and really giving it her best shot to get him. She has climbed up above the others and positioned herself for best possible proximity effect.

Looks: Now here’s a male model – Inkstaboy – with thousands of female fans swooning over his looks. Just scroll through the comments. This is pure aesthetics, nothing to do with any verbal charm, money or game whatsoever. He’s a good looking lad but importantly he really knows how to make the best of himself visually. A textbook example of how good aesthetics and social proof create a “halo effect”.

And we all know that money can buy people’s time, attention… and sexual favors.

In Order To Play The Game, You Need To Know The Rules

Men are in essence simple creatures. They don’t like to be confused. They like a simple set of rules and a goal, so that they can take action. Tell a man exactly what he needs to do in order to get what he desires and he will attack it with vigour and confident, joyful self-assurance. However if the man is confused, not knowing which is his best foot forward, he runs into problems and even depression. Most of men’s problems in the game spring from bad advice, no advice and from prioritizing the wrong things.

In order to grasp this topic and make it simple, the analogy I like to use is that of the stylish, elegant card game Bridge. The cards are dealt and each hand will have strengths and weaknesses in the various “suits” – hearts, clubs, diamonds, spades. You bid to your innate strengths in order to determine which suit becomes “trumps”, however any and all strong cards, whichever suit they are in, are advantageous. The beauty of the game of bridge, is that strategy is the greatest part of the game in the long run, in particular learning to make the best of what you have.

As an interesting aside, the “game of cards” analogy is actually quite appropriate, because the suits are symbolic of human character archetypes. Thus hearts = charisma/game/talent, diamonds = wealth, clubs = status/power, spades = aesthetics (note how the spade shape looks like a hand mirror from the old days? Just a coincidence…)

You should note also that extreme strengths in one suit can help you overcome shortcomings in another: Thus RSD Owen’s incredible game overcomes his below-average looks, while astonishing good looks can make up for extreme shortcomings in terms of charisma. (note, the video at the link is shocking and eye opening!)

You can now see the classic ‘mistake’ that gets made. People see one person with great game crushing it and they jump to incorrect conclusions like “it’s all game, looks don’t matter”. Whereas if you take a step back and use the “bridge” analogy, you have a much clearer picture: All strong cards are good and you should maximize your hand in every way that you can.

It should be apparent now that despite what various “gurus” are attempting to sell you, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to how you should best improve yourself. Work on yourself in all areas, but understand, maximize and play to your strengths while improving your weaknesses in order to increase your overall SMV, which is a combination of all the aspects I have delineated.

I do however think it very important that some aspects should in general be given higher priority than others, and I would strongly advise to put them in correct priority order. You have finite resources of time and effort, thus you must allocate them judiciously in order to make the best of yourself. It could be argued that men who are “naturally successful” with women have simply allocated their resources well and worked hard on these aspects of themselves.

In order or priority, then:

1) Looks: The most important of all. Do not ignore this! Every man should do what he can in order to improve his visual appeal – including both his bodily aesthetics and his wardrobe. No matter where you find yourself now, you should be able to raise your looks by 1 or 2 points, or quite possibly, by several more. Looks are typically underrated in importance and almost all men are not making enough effort in this regard. Check out our full tutorial on LooksMaxing – How To Be The Hot Guy That Women Notice.

2) Game: If you can study one game tutorial alone it is generally advised to study The Mystery Method – as its decoding of the game is built on very solid foundations which hold true even today. Game includes numerous factors from logistics through to body language, approaching, demonstrating value, voice tone, kino escalation and more.

3) Status / Social Proof: Status as far as male-female sexual dynamics are concerned can be simplified into two factors: Tribal leader (admired by men) and Preselection (already desired by other women) aka “Men want to be you, women want to be with you”. Improving your status among men is is generally improved best by rising to the top in your chosen field of endeavor. Social dominance also plays a part. Eminence, talent and skills in your occupation lead to high status. It’s also vital to understand your own strengths and to play to them in order to shine. Another important aspect is to increase the size of your social circle, include people in your social circle who talk you up but exclude people who talk you down or “pour salt on your game” in any way. You cannot permit people to diminish your status in this way and you should be very wary, because people will do it; sometimes even blatantly / in front of your face. Improving your preselection includes various strategies to improve your perception by women as a man who is desired by other women. Textbook examples of men who mastered status game include Peter Stringfellow (appropriately nicknamed the “King of Clubs” and rumored to have slept with 3,000 women), Hugh Hefner of course – and probably the best tutorial on this topic comes from Adam Lyons, who mastered social proof and what he called “entourage game”.

4) Money: This is typically overrated in importance when it comes to attracting women. It is much less important than most men think it is – unless you just want to pay for escorts, exotic dancers, sugar babies or whatever – in which case money gives you all the options and the control that you could want. Just remember if you do that it’s the money they love, not you. For the rest of us – get your money handled so that your own life is under control and so that obstacles in the way of your leisure interests can be removed. Money can also buy you opportunities in the sense that you can place yourself more easily in situations where there are are an abundance of beautiful women. In short, money should be used strictly in order to improve your logistics, your own quality of life and for other forms of self-improvement – and not to try to attract in and of itself.

One last point – as a man, time is not on your side. You really do have a limited amount of time to get your shit together and achieve whatever it is you are going to achieve in life. Most simply don’t work hard enough.

One thing we can all agree on is that apathy / inaction is the worst possible course you can take. “Just be yourself and the right one will come along” is the most terrible advice imaginable and should be ignored absolutely by all men! The burden of performance is always upon a man and men are biologically hardwired to either succeed in replicating or have their genetics “unceremoniously snuffed from existence”. The winning sperm did not “just be himself”. He outswam the entire competition! A man absolutely should give his best possible efforts to making the best of himself. Self improvement is your friend and, although it is decidedly un-PC to say it: Winning Is Everything.

The Consequences Of High SMV

It’s important to remember that sexual marketplace value is a great power in the modern world – and that power has consequences. It can cause good or harm – and when someone suddenly has more power than they are used to, they run the risk of destroying either their own life or the lives of other people. I am absolutely serious about this! The more power you have, the more intensely people will want to try to have a piece of you…

When your SMV is extremely high, women will do surprising and even extraordinary things in order to try to get with you.

It’s interesting how the whole “men must make the first move” thing goes completely out of the window when male SMV hits a certain critical high point. Witness the behavior of women around rock stars – from throwing their panties at them to literally lunging at them tongue first… I remember one woman (very attractive, too) describing “meeting” Simon Le Bon (handsome lead singer of the famous 80’s band Duran Duran) at the height of his fame and saying proudly “I managed to get my tongue in his mouth before the security pulled me away”. How’s that for making the first move? His perceived SMV was so high that this absurd, almost grotesque “trophy moment” was reminisced about fondly, years later by the woman in question – as he epitomized her biological ideals in terms of survival and replication value. He was her Prince Charming – a man who held all the aces – and a woman will instinctively prefer to have a small piece of Prince Charming than a man of lesser value all to herself.

The higher the perceived SMV of the man, the more bold and forward the female will be – almost without limits. Women will deliberately create proximity to an attractive man (an “indirect game” tactic of placing herself either near the man or directly in his path). And if your presence is sharp enough, women will open you (initiate a conversation) rather than waiting to be opened by you. I’ve even had a woman open me with the line “I want to fuck you now” (true story, I guess I was looking good that night!)

The higher your perceived value, the more aggressively she will compete with other females for your attention. Men do not often see the more competitive stuff go down because women typically have much more highly evolved situational awareness in this regard. Not only will they place themselves front and center, but they will do what they have to do to make sure the other girls don’t get a crack at you. They are adept at “shooting their daggers” at other women when the high-value man is not looking, and then when he IS looking, maintaining their “sugar and spice and all things nice” demeanor! Trust me, it happens! And the higher your SMV, the more absurd and ridiculous all this stuff gets. I’ve had women that I have known for no more than 30 seconds in a nightclub physically grab me by the hand and yank me away to a more private location when they sensed that I might be about to be snatched away by other women. I’ve also caught women signaling visually to other attractive women across a room “He’s mine and if you even try you are fucking dead”.

The same general principle of people making crazy moves applies to very attractive women, who may have to deal with stalkers and other forms of harassment from men who will go to inappropriate, absurd and even criminal lengths to get a chance with her. The higher your perceived SMV (male or female), the more extreme the lengths people will go to in order to try to get to you. So be careful, be situationally aware and of course if you are a real celebrity, billionaire etc, you will need a security team in order to protect you from the mad, the bad and the desperate.

People with super high status, ironically, may need strategies to lower their SMV in order to get people to leave them alone! A classic example was the band Tokio Hotel who resorted to going out in disguise after ongoing problems with female stalkers.

Another aspect of this is that if you become someone’s heaven, first giving them a taste of SMV paradise and then breaking it off, it can cause them to lose it completely. So respect the game and respect power, don’t abuse it.

Decoding SMV (Sexual Marketplace Value)

I’m not particularly fond of the term SMV (Sexual Marketplace Value) – because “marketplace” has connotations of sex as a commodity that is bought or traded. However SMV is the term that is in common parlance, so that’s the term we will use; and the commodification metaphor does in some ways suffice – because we are making choices and being chosen and there are comparisons of value going on.

In the most simple terms, people (consciously or subconsciously) assign a value to a person in terms of whether they would be a suitable romantic / sexual partner. A person is seen as “high SMV” when you look at them longingly thinking “Oh God, I so would”. A person with low SMV is someone about whom you think “no way”. It is also possible for a person’s value in your eyes to go up or down from moment to moment, depending on factors such as how they carry themselves, who they reveal themselves to be once you get to know them better, their skills and attentiveness as a lover, the “mood of the moment” and even on whether they are “on form” that day. SMV is always assigned in the present – though it is in some ways influenced by past or future projections. More on that later.

A rating scale of 1 to 10 has been an arbitrary (and somewhat crude) measure of SMV that is used in society, typically among men; with a “10” being considered the epitome of desirability and physical beauty, every man’s “dream girl”.

However there is much nuance and psychology behind people’s behavior in this arena – and everyone’s personal “scale” and ideal of perfection is different. There is also noted difference in whether someone is perceived as having short-term or long-term relationship potential. Anyway here are some details:

1) It’s quite common for both men and women to assign themselves a higher SMV than that which would be assigned to them by others. Physically attractive women are showered with compliments all day long on social media, perhaps getting hundreds or even thousands of likes on their images on Instagram for example. Social media validation, or the lack thereof, can greatly influence and even skew a person’s perception of their own value. There are also many tricks-of-the-trade used to gain social proof on social media, so don’t read too much into it, especially in regards to your own self esteem, if you are not Instagram Famous.

Straight men also tend to regard themselves as better looking than they are. Scientific studies have demonstrated this. Straight men also don’t typically make as much of an effort to maximize their looks (aka. “Looksmax”) as women, because of the widely-held belief that they “ought to be good enough as they are”, and the perpetuation of the “blue pill” social lie that “looks don’t matter” and that their virtues alone (aka. the “white knight” attitude) ought to be enough to make a girl wet. This belief is of course absolutely false. Women love a man who raises his SMV as high as he can and makes the absolute best of his appearance. Devoted care towards one’s aesthetics is an attractive quality that indicates self-esteem. Every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp dressed (and well built) man.

2) People’ behavior towards others is based on their perception of both their own and the other person’s value. This is important. People assume mistakenly that “everybody wants the 10” – but it is not actually true, at least not in the sense of what they go for. If a person views someone else’s SMV as way above theirs, they may rule themselves out as a potential suitor. Also, a person with very high SMV has many options and a lot of power in the social arena. So the suitor might simply assume (either correctly or incorrectly) that they do not have a chance, or might feel that their own value is not high enough compared to the other options their target will have. This applies for both male and female.

Also, if the suitor views the other person’s value as very low, they will not wish to waste any time on them and may even find their approach / presence objectionable or even disgusting. Many women who have very high SMV feel annoyed and even insulted if a man of very low perceived SMV approaches them. That this person feels as though they have a chance seems demeaning to them, unless they have the grace to accept that every moth will approach a bright lamp; and that it is still, actually, a compliment. Though after she has been hit on 20 times that day and each of those men is wasting her precious time that could better be spent on “Mr Right”, she is bound to get frustrated. In general, people treat people according to their perceived value. Don’t take it personally, just raise your game. As Mystery said “She’s not a bitch, she’s just a bitch to you”.

3) For a man, it is generally considered advisable to be 1-2 “arbitrary units” of SMV above that of your target. If your value is too high in the eyes of the target, they may feel insecure, or even become extremely uncomfortable and awkward (aka “star struck”) around you. If the person feels that you have too much “power” in the SMV dynamic, they will be afraid to make a move and may deliberately push you away as a form of self protection; requiring that you lower your value – typically with a gesture of sincerity, in order for them to feel comfortable with you.

If on the other hand your perception of your own value is below that of your target, this will be interpreted instinctively as low self-esteem – and it’s a turn-off for women. Men think that adulation improves their chances but the opposite is in fact true (unless she already perceives your value as too high). If a man is looking up to her as though he has won the lottery, this tends to make her feel as though she can in fact do better and this will lessen her attraction. Pick any one of her top instagram photos and look at the legions of flattering worshippers. Are they improving their chances? No, they are ruining them!

As men, the dream we all dream of is NOT “to get the girl we think is gorgeous but feel as though she could slip through our fingers at any moment”. The dream is to get the girl who we think is gorgeous and who looks at us as though she has won the lottery. Most men will take the 8.5 who looks at him with stars in her eyes over the 10 who looks semi-bored any day of the week. Feeling as though you could lose someone at any moment, because their SMV is way too high, is a terrible feeling of dread.

It’s similar for women. Their Fairytale Prince DOES look at her with stars in his eyes, BUT also (in her eyes) must have SMV above hers. This is the important part of the equation that is not discussed! Male supplication does not raise her attraction, and it repels a woman who perceives your SMV as below theirs.

You do want your partner to feel that you have options, and that they need to treat you well because if they don’t, someone else will. However too much of this leads to insecurity and jealousy. The balance of value is a tricky thing to achieve but it ensures relationship stability. Both parties must place a high value on each other for a relationship to work, and being “in love” is that mutual feeling that you are each other’s best option for happiness. But one can see how difficult this becomes in reality. Both parties must have options yet must be choosing to ignore them. Sadly many relationships are one sided, with one party being the eager one and the other thinking “This person is good enough until something better comes along”.

These days, female 9s and 10s have so many options that for many of them, their own “ambition” is to snag a rock star, professional athlete, CEO, male model and so on. Your own SMV has to be extraordinarily high for this female to think of you as the best thing she could get – and a typical manner in which this value is communicated is via “social proof” of being seen to be desired by other high value women and regarded as a leader by other men. “Women want to be with him, men want to be him”.

However, there are many female 9s & 10s who don’t necessarily go for someone famous, but go for a man who has a more quiet strength. It’s interesting to observe the boyfriends that top models have. Occasionally they pose with their SO on Instagram etc and “show him off to the world”. In many cases he is not a famous rock star but simply a cool but surprisingly understated dude. There is something about the “limelight” that it is rare for both parties in a successful couple to be vying for it. It tends to follow that one wants to be in the spotlight and the other is content not to be in it – and these personality types in fact complement each other in a relationship. In the past I clearly remember one girl – beautiful, in fact – turning me down because she felt she would be “forever in my shadow” (those were her exact words!)

4) As a consequence of all this, and in summary, the best thing you can possibly do is to raise your own SMV so that your dream girl looks at you with stars in her eyes, rather than as wallpaper.

It will be in your best interests to be seen as The Fairytale Prince. Reinvent yourself if necessary – and remember that SMV is assigned in the present and that what you were in the past is less important than what you are now and what you will be in the future. If anything, signs of self-improvement are regarded very positively as they indicate trajectory. People love someone whose star is on the rise and whose potential seems limitless. Be that person. And don’t make the classic male mistake of placing too much emphasis on past performance. It’s who you are today that matters.

What’s interesting is that in order to appear as The Fairytale Prince, it typically (and controversially) requires NOT that you become more of a “nice guy” – chivalrous, etc – but that you Demonstrate Higher Value in primal terms: Showing yourself as Leader of Men, Already Desired by Women, have access to resources, great aesthetics, charismatic, stylish and well groomed etc.

Here’s the tutorial on How To Raise Your SMV.