Abundance Mindset: A Game Essential. How To Achieve It

A man who genuinely has a ton of great options doesn’t get bent out of shape over one girl. In fact, he barely even has time for her. She has to work to get him, rather than the other way round!

Imagine if you had 20 (or even 200) girls as hot as her, eagerly blowing up your phone. Would you care less if she ghosted?

If you get to the point where, when she blows you out, you find yourself thinking “Good. One less chick to have to deal with.” then you know you are on target. 😉

If you get hung up on a girl, generally speaking it is because you perceive her as your best or only option and you are now trying to make her like you more. This is guaranteed to be the kiss of death for her attraction to you.

Rosebudd had this one on lock when he wrote “… never make [decisions] according to how many hos you have. Be committed to Game.”

Your game should not change depending on how many girls you have. Girls come and go, it’s just how it is. And if you try to “keep one” – you shifted your focus from improving your life onto being a pleaser and a chaser, which essentially seals your doom – because it immediately shows you don’t have better things (or better girls) to do, which communicates low status to her. Your over-attentiveness does not make her feel lucky to have you, it makes her feel like she might be unlucky! And that she should probably set her sights higher.

Want her? Yes that’s fine and good. Need her? No way!!

The correct position, at all times, is to be focused on improving your life. If you improve your life, it follows by extension that you will improve your options. If you make women your goal in life – specifically, trying to impress women – you will no longer be focused on improving your life in genuine ways, which not only causes your life to get worse, but sends all the wrong signals.

It’s very hard to break the chasing habit, especially if it is deeply ingrained. Chasing is essentially a flawed way to try to impress women, with the goal of getting your needs met by them in return. However, it doesn’t work. It shows that you have already failed to get your needs met and are operating from a place of scarcity aka. thirst. The thirst is absolutely repellent to women and the thirstier you are, the more they are repelled.

Abundance mindset cannot be faked. It cannot just be adopted like a new shirt that you buy and put on. It needs to be backed up by a life that is dedicated to increasing your options and creating your own happiness.

It’s actually pretty awesome. You can focus on all the other stuff you really wanted to do, stop wasting time on her and she will love you more for it, not less. How cool is that! 🙂

It’s good to see women not as the goal of your life, but as the “cherry on top” (almost literally) of a life lived well.

Simple list of ways to increase your options:

Improved health and vitality.
Improved presentation
Commitment to self care and choosing only positive scenarios.
Improved financial circumstances
Improved logistics

Some ways to increase your own happiness:

Stop living in a way that is designed to please others and live in a way that genuinely pleases you.
Wear the clothes YOU want to wear.
Create the art that YOU want to create.
Pursue the interests that YOU want to pursue.
Stop caring what others think.
Do the things you have always wanted to do.
Stop second-guessing yourself and start trusting your instincts.

If you only have one girl and you are starting to fixate on her and think she is “special” then you simply have work to do. Start putting yourself first. Stop putting pleasing or impressing her first!

And if you start thinking “But she’s the one. No other girl compares to her!” then you really are hooked and have become dependent on her validation for your emotional well-being. That’s not going to go well.

Take it back and focus on your self care and your self improvement. You do not need her for your well being. Start doing things for YOU and living the life you want to live.

When you are living a great life, women will appear. If they aren’t appearing? You aren’t putting yourself first enough! It seems paradoxical at first that women would prefer a guy who doesn’t pay them special attention, but it makes sense. A man who is directly focused on his own happiness, rather than “giving to get”, which is a form of manipulative behavior, is far more trustworthy and likable than someone who is always trying to do things “for effect” and to try to impress people.

Who gives a fuck if people are impressed? Far better to be true to your own taste.

Lessons From A Natural

Back in the day, I knew a guy who was incredibly successful with women without appearing to do anything at all to try to catch them. You could say he was a “true natural”. He was decent looking. But the main thing was that he was absolutely fine without women. He would just do his thing, having an awesome time in his own world, not even giving a shit whether they existed or not, and the fine ladies would be all around him like bees around honey.

It was extraordinary to watch. To begin with, I just couldn’t fathom it. How does this guy, who seems in one sense to be a completely self absorbed “man child”, get so much tail?

The simple answer is that he knew how to meet his own needs and make himself happy – and he treated himself extremely well. He was completely connected inside and was truly the source of his own happiness. He loved himself. Not in an overly narcissistic way. But he knew how to prioritize his needs and simply choose situations that he personally absolutely enjoyed. It was very instinctive and authentic. I don’t think he had psychoanalyzed any of it. He simply absorbed what he wanted from any given situation, enjoying the fuck out of his life without any hesitation. And women loved him for it. You could go so far as to say that “Enjoy life” was his motto. It was that simple.

He was a DJ. But interestingly, unlike many other DJs, he was not “playing to the gallery”. He would play the tracks he personally enjoyed and was simply massively into what he was doing and having a great time. Girls would crowd around him in the DJ booth, trying to get his attention and he just didn’t need them at all because he was already loving his life. This just amplified the effect still further.

Women would compete for his attention like crazy. But he had zero tolerance for girls throwing neediness at him. He would tell them to get lost without a second thought if they gave him any crap. Sometimes, women would whine about him. It was obvious that they had already banged him and were now butthurt that there was nothing they could do to hook him.

He was really a masterclass. He wasn’t putting on an act. He wasn’t trying to be all detached in some Machiavellian way to get their attention. He genuinely didn’t give a shit if they paid him any attention or not – because he had already validated himself. Their approval simply was not necessary and nothing he did was in an attempt to gain it. As a result… his results were fantastic.

For her to be excited about you, you need to be excited about you!

Which Way Is The Energy Flowing?

It’s good to look at this in terms of whether you are giving energy or taking energy. If you are already happy, and truly don’t need anything from her for your happiness, then you will be attractive to her. You are radiating energy and value and it is enjoyable to be around you.

If on the other hand you are unhappy, and looking to her to fix this for you by giving you attention, sex, validation and so on, then it should be fairly obvious that this will repel her. Regardless of how you try to dress it up, she will feel your neediness in her gut. It’s unattractive, plain and simple.

The solution to this is to start putting yourself first. You will need good boundaries and to cut ties with scenarios that do not serve you. You will need to return your focus to improving your life and making it awesome for you. Not according to society’s or a critical parent’s definitions of the kind of life you ought to have and not for applause. But according to what you personally find fulfilling.

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