List Of 26 “Red Flags” In Her Profile And Messages: How To Spot And Steer Clear Of Problems Before They Happen

Note – this post, like the rest of this blog, is aimed at men who are dating women. But this is not meant to be in any way a “biased” post: There are of course just as many potential red flags on men’s profiles that women should be aware of. Some but not all of these “cross over” and apply across the board.

First, just take in the overall impression: – this isn’t so much a red flag but it’s quite a reliable indicator. Take in the whole profile and ask yourself if this person is “me me me” or if it seems like there is actually room for another human being in their world. Does it seem like she already has a crystal clear picture of what she wants, and is merely missing a jigsaw piece (your wallet) to make her life complete? Don’t ignore that! If she uses the “magic word” together in her profile text – great sign. If there are words indicating she likes to give or make her partner feel good – great sign. If it’s just a “shopping list” of things she wants and she likes, with not even a suggestion of sharing, togetherness or mutuality – for me personally that’s enough to block them and move right along!

Photo Red Flags

1) – Screenshot or download her pics and drop into If those pics are all over the web – it’s a fake profile. This isn’t 100% foolproof but it will weed out a fair number of fakes.

2) – if the only pic is sideways and she can’t be bothered to fix it – how caring and attentive do you think she is going to be about you?

3) – If she is pulling a “gurn” – playful ugly face – and / or “flipping the bird” (giving the middle finger) – especially in her #1 / main pic – it generally indicates she is a “party girl” and likely into a wild social life that may well involve alcohol (or other substances). Not necessarily a massive red flag, she might just be a bit of a “party rebel” – but it’s also not exactly as though she is going out of her way to be attractive and present herself in her best light. It can indicate deeper issues, especially at a later date, and a lack of readiness for actual intimacy. If you saw an 18yo doing this, not really a biggie. A 30 year old? Different story.

4) – Whereas if one (or more) of her pics is a “crazy eyes” pic, with a highly exaggerated wide-eyed stare right at the camera… in a way that seems scary… eeee eeee eeee… she’s letting you know… very major red flag. Avoid – no matter how hot she looks in her other pics… especially if she looks super hot in her other pics. If any of her pics make you think “she seems crazy”, or she seems to have a burned-out, hollow, tormented vibe – don’t ignore that.

5) – Note the number of profile pictures. One – not enough to know what she actually looks like. 3 to 6 is just fine. 20 = attention seeker.

6) – all the pics are heavily “filtered”. Typically means she doesn’t look good and she is masking it, big time. Ignore all filtered pics 100% when evaluating, because she does not look like that! If she will not show one or more unfiltered pics, its not a good sign. Some and some is fine – so long as there is enough to see what she actually looks like.

7) – no ‘figure pic’? If there are no pics that show her body, but only her face – she’s very likely hiding her physique and not confident to show it off. This very typically means… overweight. Look at the roundness of the face and shoulders to get additional cues – but if she won’t show her physique, its not a good sign overall. Pay attention also to the “sideways” body-shot that is often done to mask / flatter her proportions.

8) – Look for any “odd” photos that seem out of place and seem to be making an oblique “this is me” statement. For example if one of her pics has a row of bottles of alcohol, without her in it, just the alcohol? Might indicate alcohol addiction issues. Why is she putting a photo of alcohol in a dating profile? Are you going to be “dating alcohol”?

9) – No profile pic? Might not be bad. She might be super hot and be getting so much unwanted / creepy attention that she can’t deal with it. If you start a chat and it’s going well, do ask for pics and if there are any issues – eject.

Addendum: Not a red flag: But if her main pic is her in a dress holding a bunch of flowers, she’s very likely marriage minded; choose someone else for casual / fling.

Profile Text Red Flags

10) – Profile length. a) No text. Probably because she’s habituated to getting so much attention from her pics that she doesn’t bother. It’s not a good sign. She should be indicating some things about what she is looking for and not looking for. b) “Just ask” (and nothing else). Not a good sign. c) Massive slabs of text / enormous monologues. This is the biggest of the profile length red flags in my view. Why do they have such an enormous amount to say before allowing someone to get anywhere near them? It can indicate a high degree of guilt.

11) – “Let’s meet today” / “Tonight?” / “I am here for you baby”, or a phone number right there in the profile for all to see = she’s almost certainly providing adult services. (No judgement; but know it for what it is.)

12) – Extreme carelessness (horrible typos or spelling in the headline especially) indicates… extreme carelessness. If she cannot be bothered to even try to make her profile look decent for you, how much of a crap do you think she gives about giving you a pleasurable experience overall? The number of profiles where they write “I am a women”… they do not see the link between their inability to spell a common 5 letter word and their socio-economic status… yikes…

13) – if ANYTHING in the profile words “gives you the creeps” or seems “super weird”.

14) – “Damsel in distress” / “professional victim” / “calling all rescuers” (run)

15) – if she wrote something that gives you a “WTF” reaction.

16) – if there is strong negativity of any kind (anger / hate / rants / highly polarized viewpoints). So… this is her putting forward her charming, attractive, carefully curated side?? Massive rants on a dating profile are a big warning sign. Look at the “ratio” of positive to negative and ask yourself if you really want to hang out with someone who is not “mostly positive”, even when showing “their best self”.

17) – if she is public shaming / trash talking others in her profile. All good looking women get hit on tons – and most of what clogs up her inbox is garbage. A quick note such as “please don’t message me saying ‘hi’ or if you are in another country” is fine. But if it is a diatribe… why does she need to draw attention (repeatedly is worse) to the fact that “all these creeps” are hitting on her? Part of it is simply that: She is likely an attention seeker and KNOWS that airing out her drama from the rooftops will get all the “white knights” to come to the “save the day” and give her ego strokes. It’s pathetic and – importantly – signals that this is not a person who makes good choices. (The white knights aren’t making good choices either and are also enabling!) She likes having a “cover story” for why her life is a mess – and its “everyone else’s fault” of course. The louder the squawking, the greater her urgency to shift the blame. Ok, so some crap happened. Fine. But shit happens to everyone – it’s life – and a hallmark of a healthy person is their ability to deal with it privately and keep it positive in their public persona as opposed to dragging passive bystanders into unpleasant details of their personal life. Not classy. An occasional “vent” is normal but the frequency and severity are indicative. Dwelling in negativity is a choice and a healthy trait is to nix it super fast and continue to surround yourself with positivity only. If she’s not ready to do that, move on and nix her!

Message Red Flags

18) – Highly impulsive behavior (i.e. wanting to meet right off the bat, especially if it means travelling considerable distance for a meet). If they have not even bothered to ask questions about things they really ought to know and seem “too careless” about not really knowing you very well, that’s a bad sign. What are they running away from, what are they bringing with them, and what will you discover about them once they have already “dumped themselves on you”?

19) – surprising negative and highly critical / incendiary reactions to words of yours that were not negative. Intense angst, hostility or escalation that seems to come out of nowhere isn’t a good sign. Block.

20) – they start “unloading” in a big way about their problems, mental health, medications, and things that could be seen as “poor lifestyle choices”. Yes, women are emotional and “big shares” may simply mean she feels an emotional connection… but feel the vibe and ask yourself if it is sweet or bitter, and healthy or problematic.

21) – weird, evasive answers to questions.

22) – non-sequiturs and/or not even bothering to address what you wrote.

23) – things that just “set alarm bells ringing” / mind games.

24) – refusing to ID verify before meeting (for example video call, or a photo of them holding up a piece of paper with a word of your choosing on it)

25) – You are left feeling “bad inside” after a chat rather than uplifted, happy and positive.

26) – Asking for money; typically accompanied either by a “tale of misfortune”, or by over-eager sounding promises of pleasures untold if you can just fix their problems first…


IDK… you might find there is nobody left after you have eliminated all of the above… it’s pretty bad… 😉

Your choices of dating / romantic partner(s) are important factors that will affect your life significantly. Choose well. Make an affirmation – saying out loud (to yourself) that you only want healthy, happy relationships and will only engage in good, positive scenarios. Never forget that there are tons more people in the world and that the sooner you recognize and move on from unhealthy scenarios, the better for your future it will be.

The persons who may be exemplified by the 26 “red flags” listed may not necessarily be “terrible people”, but they are likely not in a place where they are ready to date healthily. Give them a miss.

If you feel that you are not attracting persons of the calibre that you would like… and that your dating life seems “strewn” with examples like those given above, it may indicate that you have some inner work to do. Self improve, so as to improve your options and feel fine with excluding those who don’t meet your standards! Remember always to “put the horse before the cart”: Be at a “good place inside” first, date second.

Do NOT get caught up in the drama of someone who is not in a healthy “dateable” place. Be courteous but remember that you have the right to choose who you interact with / get close to. Make those choices in a timely manner: Do not waste your time and energy on negative situations / bad vibes and “nip things in the bud” that are not going in a good direction.

If you find yourself merely “disengaging” or losing attraction and feel that a scenario is “just not for you”, be polite but clear – and wish them well. A graceful exit with good communication is way more classy than ghosting on someone. It costs nothing to be cool and let someone know what’s up before closing out the chat with no intention of reopening. You can say something like “Thank you for the conversation. I’ve decided that this isn’t what I am seeking and wish you well. All the best.” Note how this is non-blaming. You are within your rights to make this choice!

On the other hand, whether or not red flags are “visible”, if something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. This list is just the red flags I could think of; there may be more. If you get any sort of actual negative reaction or bad feeling, don’t linger. Block and move on quickly. Don’t engage with negative energy! There’s no point trying to dig it up and process it if something like that happens ‘early on’. If it was a simple misunderstanding that can be fixed, fix it. But if it’s clearly something other, don’t give it a free pass, because these things tend to come back, amplified.

“Pre-emptive blocking” of people you don’t feel good about, before anyone messaged, is also a very good idea.

If someone appears to be a danger to themselves or others please take appropriate action.

Where people screw up, generally speaking, when dealing with red flags, is when they are extremely physically attracted to the person at the other end – and that “blinds” them to negative traits that they really ought to pay attention to.

Remember this: You can like someone loads but you should never like them more than you like yourself. Think about it.

Finally: If you are in any scenario that you feel may be not right, or more problematic to eject from, take a look at this post: Removing Manipulative People, Cockblocks, Cunts And Swindlers From Your Life

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