What To Do If She Ghosted

Oh, how many times this happens to men. I think probably somewhere in the region of 2 billion men need this tutorial…

You find this awesome lady – perhaps on some social media or dating app. She’s fine as, she seems cool and there’s just something about her that you adore. Wow. So you hit her up with your best opener – and to your great excitement – she responds!

You are NOT going to fuck this one up. You are going to pay attention! You keep the app open, eagerly looking out for her messages, which you pounce on and respond hyper-attentively to. She’s going to love how attentive you are… right?

To begin with, she shows all sorts of signs of interest. She’s responding quickly to your messages, laughing at your jokes and everything seems cool, cool, cool.

And then……… it just dries up. Note the deliberate choice of phrase “dries up”…

Sometimes the dehumidification happens gradually. You just sense that she seems less and less excited about the conversation, which you pursue intently, attempting to spike things up again…. before it finally goes dead.

Other times, it happens suddenly… leaving you wondering

What TF Did I Do Wrong???

Sometimes, this can seem extremely baffling to a man. You were polite, you were charming, you were friendly, she was acting like she was interested, flirting, being playful, playing along… why THE FUCK did she just exit – quite nonchalantly, without even GIVING A FUCK? How could she go from giving you her undivided attention to just… zero interest??

“Maybe she’s busy. Maybe she fell asleep. Maybe this, maybe that.”

You are left guessing, wondering… hoping…

But she is just…. gone.

The Simple But Painful Truth

If she ghosted, it’s because she lost interest. Plain and simple. Either someone more exciting came along… or you just didn’t maintain her interest and arousal. Especially arousal. Arousal, generally speaking, is either increasing or decreasing. If you are not increasing it… it’s decreasing. If all you do is make small talk endlessly and sidestep the real reason you are there… it’s decreasing. This is key for men to understand.

Yes, yes. It sucks that we now live in an age where she literally has a million options at her fingertips and her attention span is ruined by all the endless dopamine spikes of attention from a never-ending cascade of admirers.

But once again – there isn’t much you can do about that other than to be more interesting, exciting and engaging than the competition.

Did it even occur to you that by giving her your undivided attention, eagerness and massive availability, you placed her way too high on a pedestal and that this, in and of itself, was likely the thing that killed her interest in you.

You already gave it all up! Result? She’s bored – and in fact she should probably get away from you before you get even more obsessed with her and get all weird

Do NOT Chase Or Act Bitter!

The WORST thing you can do is continue to “text into empty space” after she exited the chat or “left you on read”. This gives off terrible signals – that you are needy, desperate, hooked, and otherwise entirely “in the pocket”. If she’s already got you in the pocket, why is she going to try harder? She knows DAMN WELL that AT ANY TIME she could pick the thread back up and you will be right there – like a doggy at her feet when she clicks her fingers.

She has a hundred guys in this position, maybe a thousand.

And it’s all a complete and utter turn-off for her.

But that doesn’t mean she isn’t interested in men. Oh no. It just means that by being absolutely zero challenge, you communicated low value.

She’s HUNTING for the most high value man she can find! She is looking for the kind of man who already has more attention than he knows what to do with.

You cannot fake this attention. Trying to do so is a spiral of Machiavellian nonsense that will ultimately pave the way for your own ruin.

The Solution?


Yep, goddamit – that awful hard work stuff that is boring, painful and leads to tangible improvements. There’s no way round it, pal. Same for all of us.

There are guys who get hundreds of DMs per day from women, sometimes even thousands. Take a good look at their profiles and ask yourself – is your physique as good as theirs? Is your career as on point as theirs?

Is your GAME as good as theirs?

Probably not.

Just the fact that you gave her your undivided attention right from the get-go, signalled that you don’t have anything (or anyone) better to do right now. That’s not a good look, captain. The man she truly desires is one who visibly has options. But his social proof is not “fake engagement”; it is genuine, palpable interest from other women, which affirms what she already senses about him from his demeanour and time management skills.

He doesn’t have all evening to be sitting on some dating app chatting with some girl he barely knows!

Setting The Bar

Once your initial flirting has gone well and she is showing strong IOI’s – and it’s clear that her attention is hooked, it’s time to set the bar and then eject. This is what a very high value man would do. It’s also known as “breaking rapport” and for maximum effectiveness, it should be done at a high point in the conversation, when her state is spiked. It should certainly not be done at a low point. Breaking rapport at a high point naturally leads to her wanting to get back to that high point, which means she will have some anticipation for your next entrance, or even start chasing you – rather than “Oh, it’s this guy again who kept at me until I was thoroughly bored”…

When the state is high, you tell her what the plan is and then you bounce. This typically means, offering a date. Make it clear what YOU want to do and invite her to participate. Do NOT be nebulous i.e. “so… um.. maybe we should hang out…”

Be a man with a plan and a man on a mission. Ask her if she is free tomorrow night (or whatever night it is that you have free).

DO NOT say “any night is fine”. Can you see why it is absolutely GAME OVER if you say that?? You just communicated that you have nothing in your life of substance and value going on and that you would bend to her like a leaf in the breeze. This will NUKE any attraction she still had for you.

And if you aren’t busy?? Then you have some serious thinking to do because you damn well should be busy! Your commitment to yourself and to becoming a high value man should be greater than your commitment to being available for ANY woman! Let that sink in amigo!

You have too much to do for this crap!

Accept The Messages From The Universe. Yes, They Are Meant For You And Yes They Are Being Spoken Loud And Clear

If she lost interest, the simple truth is that you have no value in her eyes, which means you have work to do and you need to get on with it NOW.

After she ghosts, the first question to ask yourself, interestingly, is “How do I feel?” Be honest.

If you feel absolutely fine – genuinely – and there was no “dip in your state” after she ghosted, then you are on target.

If there is another fine lady blowing up your DMs then sure, go chat with her. If you are feeling on point and fully proud of where you are in life, go find another girl to talk to. It’s all good! Some girl blowing you off will not put a dent in your state. Maybe there are some other DMs you can slide into.

If there is ANY dent in your state after being ghosted, this tells you exactly what you need to do. And the bigger the dent, the more you better listen up and get yourself straight.

Finally: Ghost The Ghost

If she ghosted – the BEST thing you can do is to ghost back and get RIGHT on with your life and your self improvement. Do NOT message again. Do NOT view her profile or do any other thing to “remind her you exist”. That shit is creepy and if you keep at it, you are on your way toward getting blocked.

If you steadfastly avoid chasing, the very fact that you did not chase AT ALL – not even once – does actually leave a favorable impression in her mind. It’s a sign of high value. You might – might – get a message back at some point. Probably when you had completely forgotten about it. Isn’t it funny how that goes? I believe there is a primal part of us that can sense when someone is thinking about us – and the fact that you are no longer thinking about her might become obvious – either through some psychic force I don’t understand, or perhaps simply from the nuances.

Anyway for whatever reason – the fact that you really do have other interests than her indicates that actually, you might have some value. Assuming you didn’t kill it completely and chase her all the way out of your life… she might suddenly remember you or scroll her DMs and notice that you didn’t in fact follow up with some weak chasing message at all… “Oh yeah, that guy. I wonder what happened to him? He might have found someone else. He sure isn’t paying me any attention. Maybe he likes her more than me. That’s not ok. Hmm, I kind of want him a bit now. I’ll just message him.”

It’s so odd and paradoxical to hear them say “I want devotion, I want loyalty, I want a man who cares about me”. But you have to remember, she wants those things from the hot guy who isn’t giving them to her. NOT from a mediocre man who is trying to impress her by pushing aside his own personal goals in order to try to impress her.

Can you now see what a fail that is?

The good news is that 99% of the competition has absolutely zero game, too! And when I say zero, I mean ZERO. You ever seen the inbox of a hot girl? It’s fucking pathetic. Seen on Fetlife:

If you can truly absorb, internalize and embody the lessons presented in this tutorial, you will be in the top 1%. Get cracking.

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